Last updated on November 30, 2020  by 
Jaimie Eckert

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“I know God is love. I know all the verses that talk about His grace and mercy. There’s absolutely no excuse for why I’m acting like this.” Vincent shook his head in disbelief over his own struggles with scrupulosity. “Sometimes I fall into these compulsive cycles or blasphemous thoughts and then I think God hates me. But it’s not true — is it?”

Vincent’s voice ended on a questioning note. What he knew from God’s Word didn’t match what he felt. It was a ping pong match between “God loves me” and “God hates me,” a common pain point for many others with religious OCD.

Vincent would never verbalize the sentiment, “God hates me.” But there it was, eating away at his mental health (and spiritual life) like a canker. It wasn’t a belief, it was a feeling — a subconscious dread of God that undercut all his beautiful doctrines.

For many people who suffer from scrupulosity, our deeply-held views of God may be so awful that we dare not express them for fear of offending Him. But it is only as we place a finger on these hidden fears that we can begin to find healing.

In this article, I want to talk about this unspoken feeling that “God hates me,” and how it plays out in our experience with obsessive compulsive disorder.

Scrupulosity’s “Danger Paradigms”

In my work as a scrupulosity coach, I have found that there are two problematic paradigms that people with religious OCD hold about themselves and God. These two paradigms lie at the root of a great deal of our anxiety. I call them scrupulosity’s “danger paradigms.”

They are:

  1. The “Dangerous God” Paradigm, and
  2. The “Dangerous Me” Paradigm

These two seem quite different from one another, but actually, they both stem from the idea that God hates me. At the foundation of religious OCD is a misunderstanding of God’s character, which in turn impacts our sense of safety.  

Sure, OCD is a mental health disorder that feeds constant “danger signals” to our brains. We can’t chalk this whole thing up to being a faith issue. But at the same time, our biological predispositions to anxiety are feeding off something — and that “something” is our thoughts.

Every single OCD theme out there — religious OCD, contamination OCD, sexual OCD, and all the others — is powerful because it invokes a sharp sense of danger.

So we must ask ourselves — do we view God as dangerous? Do we view ourselves as dangerous? How does our understanding of God’s character influence the way our religious OCD manifests?

I usually illustrate the two danger paradigms as follows: either God is big and dangerous and I am small and powerless, or I am big and dangerous (to myself and to others) and God is absent, weak, and powerless.

When it feels like God hates me: scrupulosity's danger paradigms

Let’s look at both paradigms in a bit more detail.

God Hates Me: The “ Dangerous God” Paradigm

People with the “dangerous God” paradigm view themselves as being small and defenseless in the hands of a big and scary God. They are simply at the whims of an all-powerful Being whom they can’t control or influence. Talk about feeling helpless!

This paradigm is sometimes more common among those who believe in the more radical forms of predestination. Whether they want to be saved or not, the choice is out of their hands.

It’s not hard to imagine how this can cause us to develop a scary view of God.

But the “dangerous God” mindset can go deeper than theology.

Many people who hold the “dangerous God” paradigm have experienced spiritual trauma of some form. This also influences our picture of God. Maybe someone at church judged us harshly, or an authoritative spiritual figure abused us.

When this happens, we sometimes project our experience onto God, leading us to have the same feelings about God that we have for those judgmental or abusive people.

“God is dangerous. If I make a wrong step, He will harm me. In fact, maybe it’s too late and God hates me already. I need to be careful so that nothing bad happens.”

danger paradigms and OCD

Remember, these are usually not conscious beliefs. They are feelings that influence our behavior — feelings that you may have never stopped to think about before. In fact, you might sit in church every week and sing “Amazing Grace” and be able to give a stirring testimony about the love of God. But yet, your feelings about God are different from what you know to be true.

Common Coping Mechanisms

How do we cope when we feel helpless in the shadow of a powerful and dangerous God? 

Ironically, we try to control every detail of our lives to appease this capricious God, resorting to ritualistic behavior such as counting, mantra-like Scripture recitation, or repetitive prayers. (Check out my video, “When Have I Prayed Enough?”)

For example: Avery believed that she had to visualize each person of the Godhead in order to feel authentic when praying. If she failed to get it right, she would force herself to start all over. Sometimes, Avery would pray the same section of her prayer a dozen times before getting it “right.”

Getting her prayer “just right” was the only way she felt safe enough to go to sleep at night.

Despite knowing that God is love, she couldn’t manage to feel safe in His presence.

The Problem with the “Dangerous God” Paradigm

This paradigm presents a very twisted and unbiblical picture of the character of God.

Avery viewed God as unsafe, so she attempted to manipulate God by her rituals in order to feel like she was in a safe place with Him. To her, God was capricious and unpredictable — out to punish her if she failed in any small detail.

Relating to God in this way is incredibly traumatic. In fact, it’s the same way that people in abusive relationships relate to their abusers. They seek to placate the abusive person in hopes of feeling some sense of security.

Treating God in the same way reveals a deep-seated disconnect between our daily experience and what we really believe.

God hates me: the dangerous God paradigm

We know God is love. We know He is trustworthy. But deep down — deeper than we may have analyzed up till this point — we are terrified of God and we believe He hates us. And so our compulsions become tools to manipulate. Our obsessions are a way we try to protect ourselves.

So how do we move away from this version of “God hates me”?

The Solution to the “Dangerous God” Paradigm

The first step in moving away from the “dangerous God” paradigm is recognizing what shaped this picture of God in our minds.

For some, it may be an actual traumatic circumstance, like a manipulative relationship or spiritual abuse.

For others, it may be a doctrinal misunderstanding. The OCD mind tends to be so black and white that it often overemphasizes certain biblical concepts.

Want to know the three “biggies” that make up 2/3 of all religious obsessions? In order, the religious obsessions that take the cake are:

  1. The Unpardonable Sin
  2. Hell
  3. Predestination

Now, does Scripture talk about a final punishment? Yes. Does God hold the events of this world in His hands? Yes. Are there final limits beyond which we may not safely cross? Absolutely.

But these three ideas can be taken to such an extreme that they cease to be accurate portrayals of the true Biblical teaching. And that happens — a lot — with scrupulosity.

The first step to overcoming the “dangerous God” paradigm is to seek balance in our views of God and Biblical concepts. We must recognize that the OCD mind tends towards polarized thinking, and almost always paints things in a much more black-and-white manner than it really is.

finding balance with scrupulosity

Develop the ability to leave room for “maybes” and “I’m not sures.” I know your mind is 100% sure that you’ve committed the unpardonable sin, but try to leave room for other possibilities.

Secondly, overcoming the idea that “God hates me” involves putting trust in who God really is. I’m sure you’ve heard of cognitive behavioral therapy — that process of changing the way you think. Think of this like “spiritual CBT.” Learning to trust God — I mean, really trust God, at a deep and visceral level — means we have to stop blabbing those pat praise lyrics and come face to face with how we honestly feel towards God.

Sometimes it isn’t pretty. Often we’ll dig out some nasty spiritual skeletons from the closet. And that’s ok. We’re moving forward. We are learning what it really means to trust.

Psalm 97:2 speaks of God in this way,

Clouds and darkness surround Him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of His throne.

Though we may not be able to understand everything about God—that is, when clouds seem to darken our understanding—we can know with certainty that His character is trustworthy. He proclaims Himself as a God who is “merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin” (Exodus 34:6, 7).

God is not a fickle deity who changes how He feels about us depending on His mood on a given day.

On the contrary, He is totally trustworthy!

spiritual CBT: learning to trust God

And He invites us to put our trust in Him:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3:5-6

God Hates Me: The “Dangerous Me” Paradigm

At first glance, the “dangerous me” paradigm seems opposite of the “dangerous God” paradigm. People with this second viewpoint see God as weak and absent, while they themselves are dangerously powerful in ways that terrify them. They feel they are in danger of harming others or being damned themselves if they don’t control these latent powers.

The “dangerous me” mindset often plays out in connection with other types of OCD, such as harm OCD, pedophilia OCD, or sexual OCD.

For example, John may get intrusive thoughts about hurting someone he loves every time he sees a knife in the kitchen. Because he doesn’t understand where his thoughts are coming from, he fears that these thoughts will materialize. Soon, he’s overwhelmed. “God can’t stop me from stabbing someone with a knife,” he fears. To him, God is distant and uninterested in protecting him from these thoughts.

Laura isn’t bombarded with fears of harming someone, but intrusive thoughts about sexuality and bestiality keep popping up in her mind. She’s disgusted by these thoughts, but can’t seem to control them and fears that she’ll be condemned by God for them. She believes that God can’t (or won’t) stop her from carrying out the gross actions in her mind. After all, she’s responsible for her own actions — not God. Right? And so her thought process goes.

As both John and Laura find themselves battling these thoughts, they come to the conclusion that “God hates me. If He really cared, I wouldn’t be in this awful situation. If He really cared, He wouldn’t have created me like this.”

Common Coping Mechanisms

Those of us with a “dangerous me” paradigm cope in very similar ways to those with the “dangerous God” paradigm. We also follow compulsive rituals that they believe will prevent us from doing bad things.

John might repeat a mantra or blow air out of his mouth every time an intrusive thought enters his mind. His compulsive response is incredibly sourced in himself, not God. He makes himself responsible for preventing harm and takes little to no comfort from genuine prayer — because in his mind, God is not accessible enough to provide the same level of security that his own compulsions can.

Laura, on the other hand, goes to confession several times per week to get these disgusting intrusive thoughts off her chest. She obsessively makes lists about the sinful thoughts she must confess — just in case she might forget one of them.

She fully believes that God has given each believer the responsibility to confess and seek forgiveness from God, so she views her compulsions as merely her “Christian duty.” However, she fails to recognize that at a deeper level, she is viewing herself as more powerful than God. She must keep lists of her sins because her own list is more reliable than the ability of the Holy Spirit to convict of sin (John 16:8). And, at some level, perhaps she believes it is not the blood of Christ that saves her, but her own properly-completed spiritual behaviors that close the deal.

Both John and Laura make themselves responsible for ensuring their salvation and preventing spiritual disaster. In theological jargon, we would call this very “anthropocentric.” That is, human-centered.

And we got ourselves into this human-centered spiral because at some point in our spiritual journey, our childlike trust in God was derailed. Or perhaps it was never there to begin with. And if God can’t be trusted, we default to trusting in ourselves.

A Third Paradigm?

When I’m working with scrupulosity clients, I will typically show them these two danger paradigms and then ask, “Which one resonates with you the most?”

Some people say #1, or #2, or perhaps they flip-flop between both of them.

Then, I begin to draw another picture: a stick figure that is smiling down on a baby in its arms.

I ask my clients, “If this were your image of God, how would that make you feel?”

It breaks my heart when, time and time again, they say, “I can’t relate to that one.”

Why? Because this picture represents a third paradigm that most accurately represents the character of God!

God Doesn’t Hate Me: The Fatherly Love of God Paradigm

We already know — cognitively — that God doesn’t hate us. But it’s a long way from our head to our heart. And when we have scrupulosity, we need to spend more than average time contemplating the love and kindness of God.

the paternal love of God heals our anxiety

This isn’t cheap grace or a dumbing down of the gospel message. This is a recognition that people who are predisposed to obsessive-compulsive thought patterns are naturally fixated on danger. We already pay way too much attention to the damnation passages — so as we contemplate the tender care of our Heavenly Father, we perform a kind of balancing act — spiritual CBT, if you will — to round out the picture.

And, by the way, I’m not the only one who favors focusing on the parent-child relationship we may enjoy with God. One of the favorite themes of Christ while on this earth was the paternal love of God for us. This idea surfaces over and over again in His parables.

In the parable of the lost sheep, He spoke about how “your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish” (Matthew 18:14).

In the parable of the prodigal son, Jesus emphasized the rejoicing that the Father has when His wandering children return to Him (Luke 15:11-32)!

In an unexpected moment of tenderness, Jesus set a child on His lap and reminded His listeners that the greatest in the kingdom of heaven is he who takes the role of a child (Matthew 18:4).

Are you catching the theme?

John, a disciple particularly close to Jesus, summarized it this way:

Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!

1 John 3:1

He seems to be saying, “See the love of God and the way in which it was revealed through Christ. Let yourself take it all in!” That sounds like a major shift from scrupulosity’s danger paradigms!

Here’s one more reassuring passage:

Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you. See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands.

Isaiah 49:15, 16


The “dangerous God” paradigm and the “dangerous me” paradigm are founded on a wrong view of God and the idea that “God hates me.”

A key in healing from scrupulosity is unraveling these paradigms. God does not hate us. In fact, He loves us more than any earthly father or mother ever could. As we re-orient ourselves to God in this way, He will become a safe place instead of a dangerous one.

This healthy picture of God’s love for us and our position as His children will open a way for us to grow spiritually and learn how to overcome our religious OCD. Then, we can begin to take big steps forward in healing!

Where are you in your experience? Which paradigm resonates with you the most?

Best wishes on the journey,


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  1. I have experienced OCD for many years but only confirmed in Rehab 3 years ago.
    I have cursed the Holy Spirit, God & Jesus in my thoughts. I am a Christian and believe in the Trinity. I wake up in the morning with these thoughts and throughout the day. I pray everyday for God to take these thoughts away. If I stay active it takes my mind off of these thoughts temporarily. Some times I have anger with these thoughts. I believe I have committed the unpardonable sin and God will not forgive me. The doctor in Rehab explained these were not my thoughts and God is understanding and will forgive me. I feel no joy or happiness

    because of this and feel my time has run out to
    be forgiven. I read all of your posts and has
    brought some comfort to me. It is also
    comforting there are people like me who suffer
    from this mental illness. Thank you for your
    understanding and faith in people like me.

  2. I have experienced OCD for many years but only confirmed in Rehab 3 years ago.
    I have cursed the Holy Spirit, God & Jesus in my thoughts. I am a Christian and believe in the Trinity. I wake up in the morning with these thoughts and throughout the day. I pray everyday for God to take these thoughts away. If I stay active it takes my mind off of these thoughts temporarily. Some times I have anger with these thoughts. I believe I have committed the unpardonable sin and God will not forgive me. The doctor in Rehab explained these were not my thoughts and God is understanding and will forgive me. I feel no joy or happiness

    because of this and feel my time has run out to
    be forgiven. I read all of your posts and has
    brought some comfort to me. It is also
    comforting there are people like me who suffer
    from this mental illness. Thank you for your
    understanding and faith in people like me.

  3. Hi Jaimie. I have a question. In your article "God Hates Me…"

    You mention there are certain final limits that we can not safely cross. What do you mean by this? My OCD tells me there is something I have done (like backsliding and once saying to a friend that Jesus was not the only way to heaven) that God can not forgive. I am tortured by these past mistakes and am afraid I have gone too far…like you said "final limits that we can not safely cross". I do not want to go to hell and I've asked for forgiveness.

    Could you explain what you mean? Thanks so very much.

    Anxious believer,


    1. Hi Kelly,
      We need to understand the Bible in a balanced way. One extreme is to think that every little thing we do or think is so catastrophic that we lose our salvation. The other extreme is that God doesn’t care what we do and that everybody will be saved in their sins. Neither view is correct. Definitely, God has limits, but what you’re describing is not in the same category. For encouragement about backsliding, please read Hosea 14:4.

      1. Thanks for responding, Jaimie!

        You see, I turned away from God for years and fell into a state of doubt and unbelief – which is when I said what I said to my friend.

        I am so very fearful of the Hebrews 6:6 scripture…concerning those who have fallen away. Is this what you are referring to when you say the God has limits? Limits to his grace for people that have left him?

        Please help,


        1. I think any discussion of God’s limits needs to be done delicately. It’s one of those topics that we should be careful with, because we cannot expect to search out the infinite ways of God. What we know from Scripture is that
          1. God is not “willing” for anyone to perish (2 Peter 3:9), which means that His fundamental mindset and heart-set towards us is wanting us to win
          2. God has stacked the deck in our favor, even sending His own Son to die for us (John 3:16), which means there is nothing that COULD be done that He has not already done for us to win
          3. Despite all this, there are some who will not accept God’s gift (if you are worrying about if this applies to you, that’s a good piece of evidence that it doesn’t apply to you.)
          4. For most people, the window of opportunity remains open as long as they have breath in their lungs (2 Cor 6:2); so worrying about if it’s “too late for me” is not a biblical question to ask. Yes, you can repent and return to the Lord; as long as you are alive you may return to the Lord. He says, ““I will heal their backsliding, I will love them freely, For My anger has turned away from him.” (Hosea 14:4)

          Beyond this, it is hard to speak about God’s workings. It is best to leave holy mystery alone–what we know is that God will judge righteously. Beyond that, let us look away from ourselves and look to the mighty sacrifice of Jesus made on our behalf.

  4. I don't want to manipulate God or be idolatrous by praying the Sinners Prayer. It's never been a game. I'm truly sincere. I don't want to try to be God. I didn't read that definition until earlier today. I am terrified of missing the rapture and I have prayed the sinners prayer more than I can count. My dad is an ordained Assembly of God minister and Liscenced Clinical Pastoral Counselor. He's also served the Lord for over 50 years. When I timidly asked him about my praying being idolatrous he said it wasn't. He says, I "can go to heaven miserable or go to heaven happy. It's my choice."

    1. Hi Jenny,
      I understand your concerns. We want to “make sure” we are saved but at the same time we know our ritualistic and obsessive approach to religion is a little different than most, so we also want to “make sure” we aren’t doing something wrong. It leads us into an eternal loop of checking to “make sure.” I would agree with your dad that we can go to heaven happy or miserable–in the sense that my own emotional state is not an indicator for whether I’m saved or not. Scripture makes it clear that my heart is deceitful and desperately wicked and will sometimes condemn me unnecessarily (see Jeremiah 17:9 and 1 John 3:20). I believe there are plenty of people throughout history who struggled terribly with mental health challenges who WILL be in the Kingdom of Heaven, despite a very miserable experience on earth. So in that sense, I would agree with your dad. As for the last part of his statement, I’m not sure how much depth he intended that statement to have. Sometimes it’s our choice, sometimes not. Emotions are not made to order via a vending machine. There is no flip switch for happiness. What we know about emotional health is that it is an extremely complex reality that involves hormones, bodily health, deeply-entrenched brain patterns, long-term memories and traumas, and lifestyle (healthy habits in eating, sleeping, exercising, socializing, etc.) It is always a choice to WORK on these things (for example, if you have experienced trauma, you can work on that by starting to visit a Christian counselor. If you have an unhealthy lifestyle, you can choose to work on this, bit by bit). Working on our emotional health is a choice, but that choice will usually be played out over a long period of personal growth and healing, not by flipping a switch and choosing to be happy…um, today. right now. immediately. It just doesn’t happen like that!

      I believe you aren’t playing a game with the Lord. You are sincere and are trying your best. I think by being here and reading helpful resources, you ARE making the choice to work on your emotional and spiritual health. God will honor that. Keep pressing forward and don’t give up!


  5. You are doing such great work here, Jaimie. I wish I had your blog when I was younger so I could've understood myself better! I have some weird combination of the two paradigms–I am so scared that God is dangerous and mean that I don't even want to ask Him for help, as I can't bring myself to worship a God who is unkind (in my hopefully wrong perception). And yet I struggle so much with the "dangerous me" idea and constant fears that I really WANT to trust in God; but it is so hard to do so when I don't know who God is at all. I think this will take a big leap of faith on my part; I do feel like I will get better in time, and your blog has been a great help to me in this. Thank you!

  6. I am in the first paradigm I cried reading your findings
    I want to experience God’s love but I get stuck in the idea of God seeing all my faults

  7. Hey Jaimie my name is Paola and I’ve been really interested in wanting to get better I’ve been struggling with my scrupulosity for almost a year and I’m just tired of everything and one doubt that I’ve had with completely being sure that this is for me is if my OCD is caused by a demon. I’ve heard a lot about how mental illnesses are caused by demons and I’m thinking do I just have to have faith that God will heal me from this demon and I just want to know this cause then I’m thinking does God want me to go through this course? What if God doesn’t approve of this? But I really want to get better my relationship with God does well some days but not every day I know I am struggling a lot with my mental health I just need an answer and I just want God to tell me directly if I can take action in getting better. Please answer ASAP 😞. God bless you Jaimie

    1. Hi Paola, please do go ahead with getting treatment. Even if this were from demons, Jesus gave His followers power and authority over them, and you have nothing to fear. Jesus defeated Satan at the cross and his time on this earth is limited. Scrupulosity would like to have you paralyzed in fear of demonic power, but you don’t need to be. Please do seek help for your obsessive-compulsive disorder; your body is your God-given gift and you are doing the right thing by taking care of it.
      God’s blessings,

      1. Thank you so much Jaimie for answering it’s just my friend tells me that satan sent the spirit of ocd and are there spirits of depression? Or spirit of anxiety Even biblical? But you know I think I am going to move forward with the treatment thank you so much Jaimie for al that you’ve been God has given you a gift! God bless you 🙂

  8. This articles resonates a lot. It's like I know all the verses about God's love but when I read them my mind either then skips across to other verses speaking of God's judgement or my OCD comes in and says 'ah but those verses about love are for other people not you – there's a loophole and you're part it'. Obviously it's entirely irrational to think God loves the whole world but not me, though I guess that's what anxiety and OCD does. I remember hearing a TV preacher about 15yrs back saying "you can't love someone if you're afraid of them", so this OCD thinking really does affect one's relationship with God. Anyhow, I live in the UK, so in the next month or so when lockdown is over I'm going to see a local Christian psychiatrist for face to face therapy. All these articles have been helpful in showing me that my main issue is OCD, for I see my own story in other people's stories and how they have the same struggles as me

  9. Jaimie, revisiting my own post from earlier, I feel that saying that I resonate more with Paradigm 2 is not accurate. Please disregard that line from my first post. First and foremost, I know that GOD LOVES ME even though I have thoughts that, if desired, would be extremely offensive. Intrusive thoughts and words that come in and attempt to derail you when it comes to your faith are extremely painful. However, I would much rather this follow-up post focus on the positive in terms of what this affliction has done for me. It has resulted in me learning more about my Catholic faith and, consequently, have a much better understanding of it. I lost the love of my life back in 2018 from cancer. A lie entered my mind that I would never see her again because I wasn't good enough for God. I think that that lie may have aided the triggering of this Religious OCD spiral and it caused me to educate myself better in my faith. As you know, Ephesians 2, verse 8, "For by grace we are saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, for it is the gift of God." I love that and have latched onto that verse because I am a firm believer in it along with providing the comfort that I may have previously lacked. Enough said!

    1. Hi Jerry, I’m sorry to hear of your loss. But I do know what you mean when you say you’ve been able to gain a deeper understanding of God’s love through “affliction.” I’ve been doing a filming marathon for the last few days, filming online classes for the soon-to-be-launched scrupulosity academy. Yesterday I was recording a video where I shared my own personal story of how my view of God has changed and deepened because of OCD. I could barely get through the video without crying. God is so good. Even in our darkest moments, we are being transformed in ways we would never have predicted. I could honestly say, looking back, that I wouldn’t change a thing.

      1. Thank you Jaimie for taking the time to read and respond to my posts. I welcome your professional input that aids all who have gained access to you as a resource in dealing with this mental disorder.

  10. Great article Jaimie. This is my second bout with Religious OCD. The first one started in 2003 right after a significant change in my life and lasted several years. The second bout started around November, 2019 and still affecting me daily. This one also came after a major change in my life…..I resonate more with Paradigm 2. I used to operate and believe that I could control and fix everything within reach. Now I know that I can't even control thoughts that enter my own mind. This affliction has caused me to look deeper into my Catholic faith and I feel that I have a better understanding as a result.

  11. Wow this is an amazing piece, so helpful. Thank you so much Jaimie may God bless you more.

    I seem to have on and off episodes, sometimes I completely forget it, however when I get too distracted with daily life pressure t slowly comes back to torment me more.

    I am still learning to trust the love of Godcompletely (which is so evident), and move away from myself. I know God is not angry He loves me the same. I know one day I will be completely free from religious OCD.

  12. Hello Jamie,

    You are such a blessing. In a nutshell, my story goes back to my inviting Christ into my heart back in 1982. My hubby at the time said he was not ready for that. I can tell you that the gates of hell opened up on my life. This I could not understand when coming to Christ is such a blessed event. I became so utterly afraid of God, to make a mistake and lose my salvation if I ever made another sin. My thought pattern was torturous, but now I know it was OCD. I sought phycological help from several doctors, but to no avail. No one ever mentioned OCD, don’t think they knew about such a thing. I was prescribed pills, Xanax. I ended up on medical leave from my job. My pastor at the time tried every thing he could to try and help me. He did tell me though, that women who had abusive fathers often have trouble relating to God as a Heavenly Father. I am wondering if in your practice you have encountered this evidence from other women, or even men. My dad was an alcoholic wife-beater. My mother and I had to leave our home so many times and I was petrified of him. When I was 16 he made an attempt to molest me. Luckily I was able to get away from him and it was the last time I ever saw him. He is now long since passed away. But getting back to accepting Christ, the following 4-years (1986) resulted in divorce, losing my job, my home, and my beloved dog died. Interestingly enough, the OCD seemed to fade away and I was fine up until August, 2018. Boom, it hit me again like a ton of bricks. Thoughts I cannot reveal to anyone. What would seem to be unpardonable. And there is a Scripture that says God cannot go back on His own Word because He cannot be untrue to Himself. For this, I have been suffering again since then. On February 14, 2018, I had heart surgery which did not go well, leaving me with many post-op problems. The doctor said I had PTSD, which was maddening to me, since he was responsible for my surgery outcome. Again, I sought 3-different physiologists/physicitrist, and again to no avail with more medication. Although,
    one minister did mention OCD. Not being familiar with this term I started investigating on the internet. After seeing many testimonies, I couldn’t believe others have been down this same horrible road. Thankfully, I found your site, Jamie, and I thank you so much for all you do….


    1. Hi RJ,

      It sounds like it’s been a tough couple of years for you. I certainly hope your post-op problems from your heart surgery will be resolved soon.

      Misunderstandings of God’s character are rampant throughout the entire Christian community–not just among those who have been abused or those who have OCD. It’s a problem. We see God through human lenses and think He is revengeful, absent, angry, nit-picky, or holding us at an arm’s length until we get our act together. The incarnation was not only for the purpose of Jesus providing a sacrificial atonement for our sins; He came to live among us so that we could see what God is truly like. In Jesus we see the clearest manifestation of divine love, and I highly recommend reading and meditating on the gospels as you work through your past wounds and current struggles. In Jesus, mercy and justice meet; He defends the weak, rebukes the hypocritical, nurtures the hurting, and guides the confused.

      When it comes to trauma and OCD, I do have a few thoughts I can share. First, the best research we have at this time has not established a causal link between trauma and OCD. This means that even if you grew up in a lovely home environment, you might still have OCD. Having trauma in your background can still make things a bit more difficult, because it adds another layer of complexity, but it doesn’t render you “unfixable.” It just means there are a couple pots boiling on the stove and they both need attention! 🙂 The key is in being able to break things down into manageable bites. Progress can seem overwhelming when it comes to mental health, but it need not be. Things like trauma and OCD have a limited scope they play in. Trauma is not my speciality, but as far as scrupulosity, there are really only six lies we buy into that keep us hooked on the OCD merry-go-round. One of these six lies is “misunderstandings of God’s character.” We buy into inappropriate views of who God is (as I described in this blog post). Another one that is pertinent to your question is “spiritual trauma.” Your situation doesn’t sound spiritual per se, but traumatic nevertheless. I’ve worked with hundreds of people with scrupulosity and I find that trauma is only present in a minority of cases, but when it’s there, it does provide another layer that needs to be addressed. Traumatic memories and OCD need to be worked through together, because they can feed into each other. For example, your negative “father figure” concepts can feed into your beliefs about God’s character, which can spur on your religious obsessions and compulsions. But conversely, if you feel that God does not or cannot forgive you, then you may be less inclined to forgive your father and heal on a deep level from your experience with him. So yes, both need to be addressed in tandem in order to make progress.

      I would recommend finding a good Christian therapist in your area who can help you with the PTSD aspect. Most therapists are not well-versed in religious OCD, so you’ll probably need to do some amount of self-advocacy and explanation. No one has enough time to be experts in everything. 🙂 But if you can find someone who can help you walk down both roads at the same time, I think this will be very helpful for you. As for the six lies of religious OCD, I’m hoping to put out a course on that soon, so that might be a good resource for you eventually as well.

      Have courage! You can definitely get through this. Be blessed always,


  13. Nice work Jamie! Love your writings. I would love to see you develop more thoughts on what you mention about predestination. I am coming from a Calvinist belief system that is rare in today's church, but I believe God is Sovereign in salvation and only the predestined will be saved. And he will and must save the elect only. Therefore I don't see any way to ever really have assurance. I have heard all the typical answers from Calvinists that are supposed to help give assurance but none of them work. Anyway, I would love to see more about predestination from a Calvinist view (not how an Armenian would describe predestination) and how OCD works with it etc. Thanks.

    1. Hi, Sean! Absolutely — both sides of the spectrum can bring a lot of anxiety when they are taken in isolation. Extreme Arminians can get so focused on free will that they end up getting very works-based and thinking they’ve got to save themselves. Extreme Calvinists can over-focus on the election concept to the point that they drive themselves mad with fear. Actually, I’m working on a series of short videos on those “big three” I mentioned (and I will also add “lust” to the list for a total of four scrupulosity biggies). I do have a lot to say on this topic, but it will be hard to do justice in a comment. But your question prompts me to keep working to crank that video out. I just moved, so I don’t have my home studio set back up, but maybe I’ll just do a casual video from my webcam 🙂 Thanks always for your thoughts!

      1. Awesome! Thanks for the reply! I did not expect any more details here, but I was hoping you might address it in a future video or writing. It was the first time I ever saw this "list" of the ones you mentioned and it really resonated with my struggles. Thanks again!

  14. Thank-you for all you do. Your writings and perspectives are very helpful for me as I endure this lifelong battle with OCD. Thank-you for your honesty and vulnerability. I can really relate to the difficult challenges of being chill when uncertainty is before me. The Covid 19 crisis and the scheduling complications that go with it, have taught me to become less of a control freak. God is teaching me to ask him daily for his directives and the outcomes are always more fruitful.
    I also want to thank you specifically for your work on scrupulosity and religious OCD. As someone who has battled this, it's nice to have a resource with a solid Christian perspective.

    1. Absolutely — the covid crisis and all the uncertainty that comes along with it is a good training ground for all of us. God can take all the bad things that happen as a result of sin and He can use them as His workmen to craft us in sanctification. It’s all about how we choose to look at things!

  15. Jaimie,
    This is so so good. Thank you. I was about to spiral into yet another obsessive episode. I really needed this reminder.

  16. Thank you for this great article, Jaimie. It comes right at a time when I am evaluating my view of God and the way I relate to Him. (I think that in itself is a God thing!) Both of those distorted views resonate with me way too much and I needed to be reminded of the thirdundefinedbiblical paradigm. I need to focus more on growth while on the journey than just wanting to "get" there. If I don't hear from you before then, have a Merry Christmas!

    1. Hi, Sergei,
      I’m glad to hear that you’re working through some of your deeply-held views of God. We are all growing in this, and I often write about the things I’m pondering for myself. Keep looking up — and Merry Christmas to you, as well!

  17. Hello. I do not relate to either of the two. Dangerous God or Dangerous Me.
    The stick figure is a soft spit for me because my biological father never told me he loved me. In fact he thought I wasn't even his son!
    The truth of the matter was I WAS his son but my brother wasn't, who my father thought was!
    So I got the crap end of the stick, excuse the expression.
    The verse in the Old Testament about Jacob and Esau echoes in mind…" Jacob I love but Esau I hated".
    I know it really doesn't play out, because the truth of the matter is my mother and the other man did what they did and the truth of the matter became confused, misconstrued. It just happened to fall on me.
    Is it Karma, if there is such a thing, or was it just cause and effect of life's decisions?
    Who knows. Maybe it was God's plan. I don't think so though.
    I do not judge my parents. Their just human, like myself, a sinner also.
    My religious OCD is buying Bibles and other books about the Bible. Getting confused about what is written in the Bible. Then getting rid of them all, and in time starting all over again, and repeat.
    I've wasted so much money. I'm not sure if it's just pure OCD or if it is God not giving up on me?
    The latter sounds right because God is Love.
    Sorry for the long message. Thank you for reading it.
    Thank you for the emails. God bless you.
    Sincerely, Christopher.

    1. Hi Christopher, thanks for your message. That sounds like you had a really difficult relational environment where you learned about love (or the lack thereof). Somehow, by God’s grace, you’ve come out the other side being able to say heartily that God is Love. Not having spoken to you in person, I can’t pinpoint exactly what’s going on in your religious OCD, but it can be helpful to ask ourselves a few questions. For example, you speak of compulsive buying of Bible (which, by the way, is a common scrupulosity compulsion — I’ve coached people who have bought what they estimate to be over ten thousand dollars worth of religious books). What drives this? It’s fear. But fear of what? Can you label that fundamental fear that makes you keep buying and hoarding and then starting the cycle all over again? And what does that fear tell you about your view of God? Again, these are just discussion questions, since I haven’t heard your story in full, but what we do find is that VERY often our obsessive-compulsive tendencies are riding on the back of a feeling of dread that relates to God as either dangerous or absent.

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