Scrupulosity: a mental health highjacking of your faith experience. In this guide we'll cover every answer about scrupulosity you ever wanted to know, including:
- What is scrupulosity (also called moral OCD)?
- Is religious OCD sin?
- What causes this type of religious OCD?
- Who gets scrupulosity?
- Can scrupulosity be cured?
- How is scrupulosity treated?
- Are there other commonly experienced conditions with scrupulosity?
- How long does scrupulosity take to go away?
However, before we dive in and answer your questions about moral OCD, go ahead and take this short test below (with instant results) to determine if you have scrupulosity.
Thousands suffer from religious OCD without knowing! It will be important to have your scrupulosity score in mind as you read this guide, so go ahead and take it now (you won't need to leave this page and your results will be shown right here).
Now that you have your results I want to assure you that this guide is for you if you’re sick and tired of religious obsessions, intrusive thoughts, and time-consuming rituals.
It’s specifically for people with religious OCD who want relief from the OCD but aren’t sure how to separate valid spirituality from neurotic spirituality.
A new day dawned at my small southern Bible college. After completing my morning devotions, I joined my schoolmates in the cafeteria for breakfast.
Something felt off, but I didn't know what.
I'd felt spiritually "off" for days, and had spent hours in my head, ruminating, trying to solve the icky feeling.
I sat with my friend Anthony, a theology student.
"I feel kind of weird about something," I confided quietly. "I don't know what else to confess."
He looked puzzled, and offered a confused "well, praise the Lord, sister!"
"No, you don't understand," I went on. "I feel weird if I don't have something to confess."
He didn't understand what I was trying to say, and I didn't understand what I was trying to say, so we continued eating breakfast in silence.
It would be years before I would finally understand this subtle, disturbing feeling that something is not ok between me and God, despite living a life of obedience, faith, and submission.
It would take me seven more years before I learned what the word "scrupulosity" (often referred to as moral or religious OCD) meant. It would take me even longer to learn how to extricate genuine faith from obsessive-compulsive faith. Thankfully your journey can be faster and can start right here.
So if you're like I was -- pious yet pursued by anxiety -- this article is for you.
I'm going to answer your biggest questions:
- Why symptoms of scrupulosity include a wide range of repetitive, anxious approaches to religious thought and life.
- The multifaceted causes for scrupulosity, and why 45-65% of your risk for having religious OCD is related to genetics, while the rest appears to be triggered by environmental causes.
- Why scrupulosity is a mental health disorder, not a faith problem.
- How scrupulosity can be treated through therapeutic interventions like ERP and CBT as well as faith-based solutions.
These are the answers I wish I would have had a decade ago when I sat in agonized devotion in my college cafeteria. I didn't understand that scrupulosity is not a lack of faith, it's a mental health hijacking of your relationship with God. Today, I'd like to share these life-changing insights with you.
Do you want to worship God in spirit and in truth rather than in fear and trembling?
Me, too. Here is how...
What Is Scrupulosity?
Scrupulosity is a condition where faith and OCD collide. Some individuals -- either through being predisposed to obsessive-compulsive disorder, or through learned habits -- can experience extreme religious behavioral patterns.
The most common symptoms of scrupulosity can be divided into four main categories:
You're really uncomfortable and anxious about your doubts. You think a lot about your spiritual uncertainties and feel a terrible sense of doom! You try to figure out the "answer" to your doubts, but only end up getting stuck in your head for hours.
You feel awfully guilty all the time. Sometimes you don't know why, but other times you can pinpoint the reason. You feel guilty for illogical or unscriptural things. But even though you know it doesn't make sense, you can't shake the feeling of coming disaster.
These feelings of false guilt and spiritual doubt are so intense that you feel drive to do something to make the bad feelings go away. You engage in repetitive or excessive religious behaviors because it gives you a temporary feeling of relief.
You get icky thoughts that make you feel like a really bad person. You aren't sure where these thoughts come from, but they scare you, so you try hard to make them go away and convince yourself that you are a true believer, despite these thoughts.
Let's look at these symptoms, one category at a time.
If you see yourself in these lists of symptoms, go ahead and get excited -- help is here! I'm about to give you the internet's most complete guide on wrangling scrupulosity into line.
Someone with a more typical "checking" type of OCD will check 10 times to make sure the stove is off or the door is locked because of a feeling of doubt that will not go away. Likewise, scrupulosity inserts persistent feelings of uncertainty into the religious experience.
We constantly crave a deep-down sense of "ok-ness" and certainty.
Most people with OCD hide their symptoms. Less than 10% receive treatment.
To be considered religious OCD (rather than healthy and normal spiritual questioning), scrupulous doubts will be unwanted, disturbing, take up at least an hour or more of time per day, and appear to be beyond your control.
Such doubts may include severe cyclical uncertainty about the following:
- Whether you will be saved or lost
- Whether you have confessed all known sins or not
- Whether you may have sold your soul to the devil
- Whether you are following 100% of your faith community's regulations on diet, modesty, purification, food preparation, speech, entertainment, or lifestyle
- Whether you are entirely following God's will in all the particulars of life or not (for a scrupulous person, this may extend to irrational beliefs that God has a "will" on what color hi-lighter you use or which route you take to work)
- Whether you perfectly understand every detail of your faith community's doctrine and teachings
- Whether you perfectly understand every spiritual question that comes to mind, even if your faith community does not profess to have an answer (I spoke with one young man who spent up to six hours per day anxiously researching trivial questions such as what gender the angels are or whether animals have souls)
- Whether your prayers were completed perfectly
To combat these oft-returning doubts, the scrupulous person will go to great lengths to try to "resolve" the feeling that things are not quite "ok."
Additionally, every obsession has a matching compulsion. The obsession arises unbidden, and the compulsion is the irresistible urge to stamp it out. Doubt-related compulsions may include the following:
- Seeking repeated reassurance from religious leaders
- Taking pains to understand every detail of religious faith and practice
- Repeated confessions, attempting to remember every sin
- Repeated prayers, attempting to perform them perfectly
- Intense rumination (being “stuck in your head”) in an attempt to solve spiritual questions
- Avoidance or excess in religious practice:
- Avoiding church, mosque, temple, synagogue, etc. to not experience an increase of spiritual questioning, or
- Being rigidly exact in performance of every jot and tittle of religious codes
Anything sound familiar?
Yep, and that’s only a quarter of the symptoms.
But seriously, here’s a shoutout to anybody who was ever told that their spiritual doubts are a “faith” problem. Ain’t no faith problem here — we got entire chunks of our brain that fail to function correctly! Read on carefully as we continue defining the contours of the beast and then segue into proven ways to get you out of your head and back to “real faith.”
Scrupulosity Symptoms, Category 2: False Guilt
The second main category of scrupulosity symptoms involves an intense measure of false guilt. However, to the scrupulous person, it does not feel like false guilt, it feels like completely justified and reasonable guilt.
But that’s just it. It feels like real guilt.
In 9 cases out of 10, though, the persistent guilty feeling can’t be justified by facts, Scripture, or the norms of the larger faith community. This is because the feelings of false guilt are an error message from the brain.
Imagine a morse code operator having an epileptic seizure with his finger still on the telegraph key. The false guilt of scrupulosity is a brain glitch.
It is not real.
But the person with scrupulosity receives it as a valid telegraph and then frantically tries to decode it.
Some of the most common “false guilt” messages that scrupulosity sends to the brain include the following:
- I have committed the unpardonable sin.
- I am unforgivable.
- I am not saved, and will go to hell.
- If I don’t do enough evangelism, other people will be lost and it will be my fault.
- I am responsible for the sins and eternal welfare of other people.
- My mind wandered while I was praying — I must have spiritual “problems.”
- I looked around the room while taking the test — I must be a cheater.
There is also a peculiar “superstition glitch” that seems to happen with some scrupulous individuals. The superstition glitch is an error message tying together two completely unrelated phenomena: typically a religious behavior with an unrelated outcome. For example:
- If I don’t complete my prayers perfectly, someone in my family will get in a car accident today, and their death will be my fault.
- If I have immoral thoughts, God will punish my children.
- If I don’t pick up trash when I see it on the street, God will never let me get married.
Such superstitious thinking is false guilt, and cannot be supported by Scripture. The Bible tells us that God judges us based on the trajectory of our lives, not on the occasional good deeds or bad deeds we may do. “If anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father,” the apostle John tells us. God is not eagerly waiting for the chance to destroy us. “He does not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children of men” (Lamentations 3:33).
The false guilt of scrupulosity bypasses the entire Biblical message of grace and love. It offers fake news instead of real news, and the scrupulous person swallows it hook, line, and sinker. The Bible tells us “by grace you have been saved through faith,” but the scrupulous person feels that he is responsible to avert disaster at every turn. He cannot feel the joy of salvation because the fake news is blasting too loud.
We’ve now looked at half the symptoms of scrupulosity. If you’ve read this far, you’re probably getting an eerie feeling that maybe you’re not the only person who has felt this way.
Scrupulosity Symptoms, Category 3: Compulsive Religious Behaviors
Religious OCD introduces a constant undercurrent of anxiety into the spiritual experience. Although it may not manifest as a panic attack or something more easily recognizable on the anxiety spectrum, it is there, needling away at our relationship with God. (And for those who have severe cases of scrupulosity, panic attacks do occur.) This anxiety urges us into compulsive religious behavior.
What do we mean by “compulsive” religious behavior?
We mean that our behaviors are brought on by a sense of fear, doom, obligation, or anxiety. We long for a feeling that everything is “right” or feels “safe,” and we do these behaviors to achieve that feeling.
Why do some people with ritualistic OCD touch the doorknob a certain number of times before exiting? They crave that elusive feeling that everything is “ok.”
Well, same story for religious OCD.
There’s an undefined, fuzzy feeling that things aren’t quite right, and we mentally attack ourselves to figure out what might be wrong with our spiritual lives. We act as our own holy spirit, convicting ourselves of sin when there is no sin.
Our brains crave equilibrium. We feel “off,” but don’t know why. Subconsciously we try to dig up a reason why we feel so vaguely bad.
What does the pre-compulsion feeling feel like?
It’s as if you got in an ugly squabble and punched your best friend in the gut, then went home feeling awful about yourself and fell asleep. Some hours later, you wake up, fuzzy-headed. For a few moments, in that zone of just having woken up, you don’t remember the fight. You just have a vague, pressing perception that something is very, very wrong.
You sit up, rub your eyes, and try to remember what you did.
That, THAT, my friend, is the fuzzy-guilty moment the scrupulous person lives in from day-to-day — but without having punched anyone. Constantly scanning our brains, fishing for what’s wrong. We begin with a heavy feeling of guilt — through no fault of our own — and desperately try to come up with a logical reason for why we feel so awful.
This is the story of how a scrupulous person sees sin where there is none.
That’s why scrupulosity is often (though not always) accompanied by religious compulsions, which help to temporarily fix these nebulous feelings of wrongness. Religious compulsions may include the following:
- Saying prayers a certain number of times, for a certain length of time, or up to a certain standard of “correctness”
- Carrying out devotional practices or Bible reading in a highly specified manner
- Having a fixation with food preparation or religious dietary laws (halal, kosher, vegetarian, etc.)
- Being kind and generous at all costs, even when being taken advantage of
- Compulsively engaging in evangelism, charitable deeds, or acts of kindness (unable to stop when it is appropriate)
- Inability to sleep or go about the day unless religious rituals are performed “correctly”
- Making pacts or vows with God to “make up for” mistakes (often involves the sacrifice of something)
- Excessive repetition of verses or religious mantras
- Excessive engagement in religious rituals, such as washing or purification (Hinduism and Islam) or confession (Christianity), much more than others in the same faith community
Some people with scrupulosity have more of a “Pure O” form of OCD, wherein compulsions are less obvious. However, these individuals may engage in a compulsion known as “reassurance seeking.” This is the practice of answering those inner feelings of anxiety by relying on others — typically spiritual experts — to alleviate those fears. Reassurance seeking often takes the following forms:
- Repeatedly seeking advice on the same spiritual issues but failing to find comfort
- Seeking out spiritual leader to give reassurance
- Making excessive internet searches to feel better about spiritual standing
- Asking spiritual leader to explain the same matters many times, taking pains to understand every point perfectly
When does normal spiritual dialogue cross the line to become unhealthy “reassurance seeking?”
Let me start with a caveat: I encourage vigorous spiritual dialogue. Over the centuries, dialogue has refined doctrine, led people out of dangerous cults, and clarified our understanding of God. Even for the scrupulous person, I would be hesitant to suggest, like the Jesuit mystic Ignatius of Loyola (who suffered from scrupulosity himself) that we place ourselves blindly into the care of a spiritual guide.
Dialogue is important, and even the scrupulous person must be led to retain his or her sense of identity and personal responsibility.
However, when reassurance seeking becomes emotionally irresistible, takes up several hours or more per day, and leads to cycles rather than forward progress, it is probably an unhealthy compulsion that needs to be curbed.
God didn’t intend for us to have omniscient knowledge. While we may seek for comfort and truth, we overshoot our goal to aim for infallible knowledge. See my article about OCD and the fallacy of omniscience for more on this theme.
Scrupulosity Symptoms, Category 4: Intrusive Thoughts
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted thoughts that seem to just pop into the mind unbidden. They cause negative feelings, so people with OCD generally get caught on an endless cycle trying to fight, block, cancel out, or escape these dreaded thoughts (note: “thought stopping” is a terrible way to get rid of intrusive thoughts. Keep reading to the end when I talk about treatment options.)
For people with scrupulosity, these intrusive thoughts can take on a life-or-death feeling, because these “thoughts” feel like they originate with our true self.
Here’s a video that explains intrusive thoughts very well. This is the best short video I found on intrusive thoughts, and I highly recommend taking a moment to watch it.
For those with scrupulosity, intrusive thoughts generally (but not always) follow themes like the following:
- Urges to sell soul to the devil
- Urges to blaspheme God
- Thoughts that you may commit a terrible crime
- Fears that you may have committed a sin you can’t remember
- Urges to commit sacrilegious acts
- Unwanted sexual thoughts about religious clergy, Jesus, Mary, or other religious figures
- Thoughts that the devil will make you completely lose control
- Thoughts that God is giving special direction or revelation of His will that you must understand and follow precisely
Recurrent intrusive thoughts on religious and moral themes are a hallmark of scrupulosity. Rest assured, the weirder your obsession, the higher the likelihood that it really is OCD. One woman with scrupulosity was absolutely terrified that God was going to punish her by making her grow male genitalia (again, this type of “punishment” can be found nowhere in Scripture, but this lack of justification did not prevent her from being obsessed with making sure it did not happen). These strange intrusive thoughts gave her great anxiety, and she would repeatedly check herself to make sure nothing was growing downstairs.
Think it sounds cute and quirky? Don’t be misled. Religious OCD can be severe and disturbing enough to cause people to take their own lives. Individuals with OCD are 10 times more likely to die from suicide than the general population. Part of it comes from the distress of these incessant intrusive thoughts.
Bottom line: if you or a loved one suffer from scrupulosity, don’t wait. Get help. Keep reading to see who is most likely to suffer, where this disorder comes from, and what can be done to help.
How Long Has Scrupulosity Been Around?
Scrupulosity has been around for a very, very long time — probably much longer than written human records can remember. One of the first records that appears to refer to religious anxiety of this kind comes from Plutarch, a first century priest for the Greek god Apollo. He wrote about the so-called “superstitious” man, who
turns pale under his crown of flowers, is terrified while he sacrifices, prays with a faltering voice, scatters incense with trembling hands, and all in all proves how mistaken was the saying of Pythagoras that we are at our best when approaching the gods. For that is the time when the superstitious are most miserable and most woebegone….
On the Egyptian side of the Mediterranean Sea, about 600 years after Plutarch, John Climacus lived in the wilderness as a monk. In those days, men striving for holiness and purity of life would live in the desert. They took vows of poverty, spent much time in prayer, and offered spiritual advice and blessings to commoners who sought them out. They believed that the desert was a place where demons lived, and like Jesus was temped by Satan in the wilderness, they viewed it as a testing ground for their faith.
But for some, the desert experience was too much.
John Climacus wrote about those exhausted by intrusive, blasphemous thoughts. He wrote,
This unholy demon not only blasphemes God and everything that is divine. It stirs up the dirtiest and most obscene thoughts within us, thereby trying to force us to give up praying or to fall into despair. It stops the prayer of many and turns many away from the holy Mysteries. It has evilly and tyrannously caused the bodies of some to be worn away with grief. It has exhausted others with fasting and has given them no rest. It has struck at people living in the world, and also at those leading the monastic life….
Anyone disturbed by the spirit of blasphemy and wishing to be rid of it should bear in mind that thoughts of this type do not originate in his own soul but are caused by [the] unclean devil…. So let us make light of him and pay no regard whatever to his promptings…. To tackle the demon of blasphemy in any way other than this is to be like a man trying to hold lightning in his hands.
By the fourteenth century, this phenomenon had a name: scruples. It came from the Latin term scrupulum, a sharp stone — indicating the sharp pain of a stabbing conscience. Theologians wrote about those with an oversensitive conscience, which they viewed as a precursor to the deadly sin of despair.
The Archbishop of Florence, Antonius of Florence (1389-1459) was one of the first to suggest that scrupulosity could be caused either by the devil or by physical causes. He recommended medication and holistic treatments, and quoted a fourteenth century theologian, Jean Charlier de Gerson, on advice that sounds very much like today’s therapeutic response to scrupulosity’s symptoms. Scrupulous thoughts, he said, are like
…dogs who bark and snap at passers-by; the best way to deal with them is to ignore them and treat them with contempt.
More than 600 years later, scrupulosity still seems to be relieved by similar means. But, more will come later on treatment.
A number of other monks, theologians, and scholars wrote about “scruples” during the Early Modern Period — including well-known names such as Ignatius of Loyola (founder of the Jesuit order), John Bunyan (author of Pilgrim’s Progress), John Locke (major Enlightenment thinker) and Martin Luther (famous leader in the Protestant Reformation).
During the 1700’s and 1800’s, doctors began devoting more time to other OCD manifestations, such as checking, washing, and sexual or violent obsessions. In the rising scientific age, religious “scruples” received less attention.
But it did not disappear.
As mental health specialists began trying to categorize and describe all known disorders, they used a few different titles for what is now called obsessive-compulsive disorder. Throughout the 1700’s and 1800’s, OCD was called by some interesting names:
- “Impulsive insanity”
- “Madness of doubt”
- “The secret illness”
- Grubelnsucht, a questioning illness (from the Old German for “racking one’s brains”)
- “Obsessive neurosis”
Finally, in the mid 20th century, “obsessive compulsive disorder” emerged as a generally accepted term to describe these common symptoms. Scrupulosity, though studied far less than other types of compulsions, is understood not as a separate disorder but as a theme within the broader OCD category.
As you can see, scrupulosity has been around since…basically forever. But it has been understood in different ways at different times in history.
Today, it is viewed as a sub-theme of obsessive compulsive disorder. The most successful treatment involves tackling it from both a clinical and a spiritual perspective. To understand this better, we need to look at the causes for scrupulosity.
What Causes Religious OCD?
Currently, there is no definitive consensus about what causes OCD. Scrupulosity, as a religious manifestation of obsessive-compulsive disorder, forms a part of this complex discussion.
Why do people get OCD? Nobody knows for sure.
However, there are a few generally agreed-upon theories. Most researchers agree that obsessive-compulsive disorder has both a biological factor and an environmental factor.
Biological Factors for Scrupulosity
Research suggests a strong genetic link for OCD. 25% of OCD sufferers have an immediate family member with the same disorder, and twin studies have shown a higher likelihood for identical twins rather than fraternal twins to share obsessive-compulsive disorder. Educated guesses suggest that genetics contribute about 45-65% of the risk for developing OCD.
In my own case, I have an immediate family member with severe and debilitating health OCD symptoms, which makes it easy for me to believe the theory that genetics plays a role in obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Data on OCD is notoriously difficult to obtain, though, because many people feel ashamed of their symptoms and avoid treatment. Less than 10% of people with OCD seek treatment, and those who do will go an average of 7-10 years after the first onset of symptoms till diagnosis and treatment.
This may explain why it’s so tough to research OCD.
Other theories, based on brain scans, have shown that the OCD brain works differently than the non-OCD brain. Specifically, research has discovered that the OCD brain is under-active in areas that should modulate and “stop” habitual behavior.
It’s basically like having the brakes out.
This can help us understand why people who suffer from OCD have a hard time stopping their thoughts and compulsions.
In another large brain scan study, patients with OCD showed hyperactivity in the “cingulo-opercular network.” This is the part of the brain that controls one’s level of vigilance and ability to spot errors. In laymen’s terms, this malfunction makes one overly sensitive to possible dangers.
An oversensitivity to possible dangers and an inability to stop trying to prevent disaster? Yep, that sounds like a good description of OCD.
Environmental Factors for Scrupulosity
Genetic theories and brain function theories are usually thought to work alongside environmental factors. Some have observed that childhood exposure to streptococcal infection seems to activate predispositions to OCD. Stress and family background have been suggested as triggers for preexisting tendencies to OCD. Family background can also contribute to OCD if certain patterns and modes of thought are learned and reinforced during childhood, such as fear and avoidance.
While researchers aren’t 100% sure where OCD comes from, there’s a general consensus that it is partly caused by biological factors and partly caused by your thoughts and environment.
That’s why treatment of scrupulosity needs to respect both these factors. Brain patterns and structuring is not set in stone — the brain has incredible plasticity and the ability to adapt. However, it takes time and effort.
I work with my clients to recognize our God-given abilities to change and then commit to long-term results.
Typically, I’m wary of YouTubers or self-published authors who claim they were “cured” of OCD from just one book or sermon. This is like fad diets that claim to melt away your fat while letting you eat whatever you want.
Changing the brain is more like training for a triathlon. Bending, strengthening, and retraining the brain is tough, rewarding, frustrating, and beautiful.
But we’ll talk more about that in just a little bit.
What you need to know for now is that the causes for scrupulosity are usually biological and environmental. Whatever treatment you choose needs to:
- Expect time and effort for reshaping brain patterns
- Respect the two-steps-forward-one-step-back reality of cognitive change
- Address environmental factors that have a role to play in overall mental health
(To work with me one-on-one, book your scrupulosity coaching session here.)
Who Is Most Likely to Get Religious OCD?
At this point, you might be wondering, “Why me? Why did I get religious OCD and everyone else in my family seems to be fine?”
Obsessive compulsive disorder indiscriminately strikes 1-3% of the world’s population; however, not everyone with OCD will have religious manifestations of the disorder (scrupulosity).
Research seems to suggest that OCD is a culturally adaptive disorder.
What does that mean?!
It means that the fundamental patterns of OCD will be common to everyone with the disorder, but the particular obsessional themes will adapt according to what is most important to you.
OCD is like an actor that changes masks to suit his audience. For those who are naturally drawn to order, he appears as the Lord of Symmetry. For those who are gentle and caring, he dons the costume of harm OCD. For the pious and God-fearing, he puts on the mask of religion. From one culture to another, and from one individual to another, OCD themes change — but the underlying pattern and structure of anxiety, rumination, checking, and compulsion will stay the same.
Studies that have shown that OCD sufferers in Rio de Janeiro, where death by violent crime is high, have higher rates of harm-related OCD themes.
In some Asian countries, contamination and cleanliness is the most important theme.
In areas of India where villagers believe they can get pregnant with a puppy fetus when bitten by a dog, obsessive checking for “puppy pregnancy” is high.
For religious communities that have high standards of morality or sanctification, religious themes become prominent.
The most commonly cited cases are Islamic, Orthodox Jewish, and Catholic communities. In the Middle East, scrupulosity rates are much higher than the rest of the world — one study estimates about 50% of Egyptians with OCD and 60% of Saudis with OCD have religious obsessive themes (in the US, 10-30% of OCD sufferers experience religious themes). Another study demonstrated that Protestant OCD patients had higher rates of religious intrusive thoughts than nonreligious OCD patients.
Around the world, rates of obsessive-compulsive disorder remain the same — but the specific themes that surface appear to be highly contextual. Again, this supports the theory that OCD is both a biological predisposition paired with environmental factors.
So if you belong to a faith community with definitive teachings about sin, punishment, and morality…
You are biologically predisposed to having obsessive compulsive disorder…
Then all the ingredients are right to set you up for having scrupulous obsessions. It appears to be a matter of both nature + nurture. We could make an equation like the following:
Biological predisposition + environmental triggers and learned behavior = likelihood for getting scrupulosity.
What should you do if you find out that you have scrupulosity? Start by suspending judgment for a while. Don’t immediately blame yourself, your religion, your family, or your faith community.
It takes time to make the delicate surgery between obsessive-compulsive faith and true faith. Suspend judgment and give yourself space to make this separation.
Can Scrupulosity Be Cured?
Bottom line? Yes, scrupulosity can be cured.
But depending on the severity and source of your scrupulosity, you should know that the remission rate, relapse rate, and length of treatment will vary.
What do I mean when I say “source?”
Earlier I wrote about the causes for obsessive-compulsive disorder, which appear to involve both biological and environmental factors. This is typically what I am referring to when I use the word “scrupulosity.” However, there are at least two scenarios where scrupulous look-alike symptoms can emerge. In both of these cases, the outlook is very positive.
Scrupulosity Look-Alike: Spiritual Hangups
It is possible that spiritual hangups can cause symptoms remarkably similar to religious OCD. For example,
- Faulty doctrinal beliefs about salvation
- Unresolved addictions
Such spiritual problems can also cause recurrent doubts and guilt that can appear very similar to scrupulosity. These issues need to be dealt with from Scripture, and if one has a willing heart, can usually be resolved in a reasonable amount of time.
If your spiritual anxiety does not have “true” roots in OCD, your prospects of experiencing a full and total remission look very positive.
Scrupulosity Look-Alike: Dissonance with Religious Community
Other times, scrupulosity-like symptoms can be signs of a religious experience that is more mature and meaningful than others in your faith community.
For example, I once spoke with a lovely Tennessee lady who was being ostracized by her church.
Because she felt called to live in obedience to Biblical norms that her faith community felt was too “legalistic.” She began to wonder if there was something wrong with her for being so conscientious about God’s Word.
Having lived most of her life in a small rural community, she was not aware of other religious views. She didn’t realize that her seemingly unwelcome beliefs were lining up with tens of thousands of other believers in different denominations.
What her church called “legalism,” others called “Biblical sanctification.”
To treat her case as if it were scrupulosity would have squelched true spiritual growth. Thus, it’s important to remember that being more conscientious than others in our faith community is not the sole determinant for having religious OCD. Sometimes, spiritual dissonance, angst, and confusion is a normal and positive part of growth.
So, Will Scrupulosity Ever “Go Away?”
To answer the question about whether scrupulosity can be cured or not, let me make the following suggestion: scrupulous symptoms that are caused by spiritual hangups or community dissonance can be permanently resolved, usually in a very reasonable amount of time.
Scrupulous symptoms that are caused by religious OCD proper can also be cured. But there is a higher likelihood that your symptoms will be reduced and managed rather than go away entirely.
Multiple longitudinal studies have followed obsessive-compulsive patients over the course of treatment for one, three, or five years. They’ve discovered that full remission after treatment peaks at about 38%.
For most of us, religious OCD will continue to be an issue that we manage over the course of our lives, much like a diabetic takes measures to manage his blood sugar levels.
Can we live a normal life with scrupulosity? Yes.
In my case, being diagnosed with scrupulosity took about 11 years from the first onset of symptoms during adolescence. During that time, I struggled with religion and anxiety but incorrectly assumed that my problem was sin or a lack of faith. After treatment, however, I developed the ability to begin separating between the true and false manifestations of spirituality.
It took me several years, but eventually I was able to manage my obsessive-compulsive symptoms so well that I would at times forget about it.
But they haven’t gone away entirely.
In times of stress, overwhelm, uncertainty, or personal failure, my scrupulosity flares up, just like acne-prone skin can flare up after holiday chocolate binges. Anytime those “danger” signals get turned on in the brain, my automatic response is to leap into an obsessive-compulsive cycle.
But you know what? I don’t stress about it.
And I don’t ask my clients to stress about it, either. Obsessive-compulsive disorder has a pretty strong track record for sticking around long-term. (If you were looking for a stable, lifelong partner, OCD is your man.) As much as 59% of OCD patients experience relapse after treatment. Then we have to get back up, let Jesus dust us off, and try again.
We don’t fully understand the science behind religious OCD. We do understand that across all types of OCD (including scrupulosity) there is a relatively low remission rate and pretty good chances that, given the right factors, it will flare up again.
So we work towards full remission — hoping to be within that 12-38% of the fully cured — but we also don’t stress out if we recognize we’ve taken two steps forward and one step back.
But here’s the promise I can make to you: if you learn to manage your symptoms well, you can live a normal, happy life. Despite having gone through raging scrupulosity in my younger years, I do have a “normal” life. I’m happily married, I’m pursuing my second graduate degree, and I get my kitchen cleaned (almost) every day. You can follow your dreams, experience happiness, and have a fulfilling spiritual life.
So let’s talk about your options. What kind of response will help you make it to this goal? What do we mean when we talk about “managing” symptoms? Let’s go now to the section about treatment.
How Can Scrupulosity Be Treated?
Here we are in the bread and butter of this article: how do we treat scrupulosity?
There are tried-and-true methods. There are possibly helpful methods. And there are terribly ineffective methods that are, by misinformation, still recommended (like thought-stopping with a rubber band). In this section we’ll look at treatment methods for scrupulosity in three categories:
- Clinical Interventions
- Spiritual Interventions
- Lifestyle Interventions
A “clinical” intervention is anything you would work on with your psychiatrist or therapist.
Just as a quick review, a psychiatrist is a mental health expert who prescribes medication, while a therapist is a mental health expert who works with you on modifying your thought processes and emotions through talk therapy.
You can imagine a psychiatrist as the one holding a bottle of pills and the therapist as the one holding the clipboard.
Here are some of the most well-known clinical interventions for scrupulosity.
Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy: 5 Stars
As an intervention for OCD, Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is the gold standard for clinical treatment.
How does it work?
Your therapist will guide you through the process of first identifying triggering thoughts. Then he or she will help you begin exposing yourself to these terrifying thoughts without reacting to them.
This is why the latter part of the treatment is called “response prevention.” This is the ingredient that makes ERP highly effective yet very scary.
For example, someone with contamination OCD may be asked to touch the doorknob and not sanitize his hands. The therapist will then help him develop the ability to sit through the feelings of anxiety until they gradually recede on their own.
Not acting in the face of our obsessions can be very disturbing (one reason why you should not try ERP alone). But exposing ourselves to our greatest fears and then resisting the compulsion to “solve” them is what helps us break the mental chain that enslaves us.
It’s not comfortable, I can assure you.
But it works. It works very well.
The problem with using ERP to treat scrupulosity is that the religious nature of scrupulosity can pose unique roadblocks. Kevin Foss, a California-based therapist specializing in religious OCD, writes that scrupulosity treatment often “hits a wall” with his clients because they are unwilling to go through with ERP.
ERP can feel like it has deep moral and spiritual implications. Although it is a method that is helping you develop a normal spirituality, it can feel terribly frightening. For example, the woman who prays compulsively, repeating her prayers dozens of times until she feels they are done “right,” might be asked to pray only once and then stop, no matter how she feels.
This can easily feel like a denial of faith. So scrupulous sufferers begin dropping out of treatment when ERP gets more intense.
If you’ve begun treatment for scrupulosity but dropped out because of ERP’s difficulty, you may wish to work in tandem with a spiritual coach and a therapist. A pastor or spiritual mentor can help you frame the therapist’s requests in the context of faithfully seeking total health of spirit, soul, and body (1 Thessalonians 5:23).
Acceptance-Commitment Therapy: 4 Stars
Acceptance-Commitment Therapy (ACT) for scrupulosity can be quite effective. It involves reframing our response to anxious thoughts and feelings by accepting the inevitable presence of anxiety and committing to letting go of the need to act on anxious thoughts.
ACT is different from the cliche “let go and let God” phrase that we often hear in religious circles. With “let go and let God,” there is often spiritual guilt and shame attached to feelings of anxiety. We sometimes hear that Christians must not feel fear or uncertainty.
This is, at its core, an oversimplification of what Scripture says about anxiety.
But anyways, ACT works to break the nervous cycle of always getting stuck in your head trying to “fix” troublesome emotions.
My only word of caution for Christian clients would be to ask their therapist for a spiritually neutral form of ACT. Though its basis can be justified by Scripture, ACT sometimes takes the direction of Eastern mysticism, and about 40% of clinical trials involving ACT include an aspect of meditation, which Christian clients may find objectionable.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: 2 Stars
Once upon a time, before I knew I had scrupulosity, I started seeing a therapist for my scrupulosity-induced depression.
She prescribed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Gushing over the benefits of CBT, she told me, “I prescribe CBT for almost everyone, because it’s just so effective. It works wonders for everyone except people with OCD — because for them, it can backfire.”
Famous last words.
I dutifully printed out the CBT worksheets wherein I was supposed to challenge my thoughts and argue them into submission.
I filled out the sheets every. single. day.
And I argued.
Oh, let me tell you, I argued. CBT’s goal is to help you become aware of cognitive distortions and challenge them. So I challenged them till I was red in the face.
I became more anxious, more depressed, and more stuck in my head. I got so bad that I dropped out of therapy for some time. (The story is redeemable, though, because it was that counselor’s random comment about OCD that made me eventually look it up when I realized the activities indeed were backfiring.)
Typically, cognitive challenging is really unhelpful for scrupulosity. Why? Because it’s simply not possible to “solve” OCD’s intrusive thoughts, whether they be about religion, contamination, or sexual orientation.
However, I have still given CBT two stars. Why? Because learning how to identify cognitive distortions — such as all-or-nothing thinking, magnification, heaven’s reward fallacy, or personalization — is still helpful. Those with OCD are statistically more likely to develop depression at some point in life, and having some CBT skills under our belts can ward off the nasty combo of OCD + depression.
So don’t pass by cognitive challenging too quickly — but I wouldn’t recommend it as your first or main line of treatment.
Medication: 1 Star
The last treatment option in our list of clinical interventions is medication. As a spiritual life coach — having spent more than ten years in various ministry roles and Biblical exegesis — I can say that my religious worldview definitely supports the concept of modern medicine.
We have numerous Biblical examples of substances from the plant kingdom being used medicinally (see this, this, and this passage). From a theoretical standpoint, I have no qualms with medication.
However, the relationship between medication and OCD isn’t as simple as popping an aspirin.
Dr. Jonathan Abramowitz, one of today’s leading researchers on scrupulosity and other obsessive-compulsive manifestations, tells us in the video below his view on medication in comparison to the above categories of cognitive therapies: meds just aren’t as effective as therapy.
In recent years, antidepressants (the medication of choice for OCD) have come under increased scrutiny. They often cause side effects which range from unpleasant to suicide-inducing. Once the unpublished drug studies were included in analysis via the Freedom of Information Act, it was also publicized that antidepressants are not statistically more effective than placebos.
And here’s another fact that might surprise you: clinical trials showed that 40% of OCD patients don’t respond to antidepressants at all. Furthermore, individuals with OCD required a much higher dosage to see any clinical response, and a complete recovery from OCD due to medication alone was shown to be a rare occurrence.
So, should you take medication?
It’s your choice.
Sometimes, doctors prescribe antidepressants in cases of backlogged healthcare systems. If you won’t be able to see a therapist for a year, your doctor may feel that it’s better to give you prescription meds rather than give you nothing.
But in the long run, it may not be your most effective treatment option.
Spiritual interventions are the responses you would work on with a pastor, chaplain, spiritual life coach, or religious mentor.
These solutions don’t come in a bottle and won’t be found in psychological textbooks. Instead, they rely on a careful application of religious beliefs and values to the scrupulous situation. Spiritual interventions answer the question, “what does my faith tradition offer that can help me overcome scrupulosity?”
Spiritual interventions can be extremely helpful, especially when applied in tandem with clinical interventions such as ERP and ACT. The most effective spiritual interventions include the following.
I work with my clients to develop a greater tolerance for uncertainty, which decreases symptoms of scrupulosity. We do this by studying Bible passages emphasizing holy Mystery, intellectual pride versus humility, and Biblical characters who were well accepted by God in a state of non-knowing.
For example, one of my favorite narratives is old Job, the Biblical patriarch who went from riches to rags overnight as Satan made a wager with God.
Typical sermons focus on the fact that Job trusted God during loss. But the story doesn’t end there. No, it continues chapter after chapter as Job’s four friends harangue him. They’re all seeking for answers: why has this happened to good ol’ Job?
Job himself puts on sackcloth, sits in a heap of ashes, and scrapes his boils with a broken pot shard. In a state of misery, he ruminates. Much like an obsessive.
Finally, after 37 chapters of rumination, God steps in. He delivers a lofty, elegant speech (time and space prevent me from drawing out all the implications for scrupulosity, but perhaps in another post I will elaborate).
God’s main point is not to tell Job about the cosmic wager.
His main point isn’t to satisfy Job’s cravings for salvific assurance.
God doesn’t even bother answering a single one of Job’s questions!
Instead, God’s powerful monologue buries Job under an onslaught of mystery.
“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding. Who determined its measurements? Surely you know! …Have you entered the springs of the sea? Or have you walked in search of the depths? Have the gates of death been revealed to you? Or have you seen the doors of the shadow of death? Have you comprehended the breadth of the earth? Tell Me, if you know all this.”
–God, Job 38:4-5, 16-18
At the climax of God’s speech in chapter 41, God’s summary is that there will always be things in the natural world that we cannot understand. How much more will there be things in the spiritual world that are beyond our ken?
Job’s response is to “repent in dust and ashes” for his presumption (Job 42:1-6). There is no more seeking for answers. No more rumination. No more trying to “solve” his uncertainties.
He lets go of the need for certainty.
And this is exactly the process that scrupulous individuals must experience, too. Accepting the inevitable presence of uncertainties is key to developing both spiritual and mental health.
Fully assimilating this single concept will probably be the most impactful step you can take in beating scrupulosity. I work with my clients through passages like this one to overcome the “certainty addiction” that lies at the root of scrupulosity.
Setting Spiritual Boundaries
If there’s something that scrupulous folks don’t do well, it’s setting boundaries.
Researchers have discovered that the part of the brain that signals obsessive-compulsives to “stop” activities is underactive.
Let me try to illustrate this.
One of my favorite fitness channels on YouTube is FitnessBlender, a husband-wife couple who have made hundreds of workout videos. At the end of every video, they flash a smile and say, “this workout is complete.”
Over the years, they’ve gained a cult-like fitness following. Fans can purchase posters, t-shirts, and even pillows with the slogan, “workout complete.”
After an intense workout, it feels so good to hear those words: workout complete.
But with religious OCD, there is no “complete” message. No point at which we have done enough. The part of the brain responsible for sending the “complete” signal is not working, so we are left with a feeling that we simply must keep going.
It’s like leaving the YouTube “autoplay” function on and doing workout videos until YouTube makes you stop. It won’t make you stop, and neither will the obsessive-compulsive brain.
Thankfully, the Bible doesn’t support this kind of excessive behavior. Built into Scripture’s portrayal of spirituality are natural checks and balances that help us create healthy boundaries.
Take a look at King Solomon, who wrote cryptically at the end of his life,
Do not be overly righteous,
Nor be overly wise:
Why should you destroy yourself?
Do not be overly wicked,
Nor be foolish:
Why should you die before your time?
It is good that you grasp this,
And also not remove your hand from the other;
For he who fears God will escape them all.
It’s insightful that Solomon says we should not be “overly righteous.”
Might Solomon have had scrupulosity? We are too far removed in history to know for sure, but I can’t stop thinking about that story of young Solomon offering a thousand sacrifices, then getting to the end of his life and telling us to take it easy with spiritual things. Don’t go overboard. Don’t study too much. Don’t be “overly righteous.”
Healthy spirituality involves boundaries: knowing when enough is enough. Viewing God as satisfied rather than hungry.
Jennifer Traig, a scrupulous American Jew, didn’t begin to experience a decrease of symptoms until her family wrote a list of boundaries: praying for no more than an hour per day, no supervising her mother’s cooking to make sure it kept kosher, no forcing others to keep Shabbat, and so on.
She writes in her memoir that these parental boundaries stopped her scrupulous activities (though she later relapsed as an adult).
How much better if we develop our own internal boundary-drawing mechanism?
Easier said than done, but doable.
Scrupulosity coaching with your pastor, priest, or mentor involves studying the Bible to determine Biblical standards of behavior, and being held accountable to not go beyond what is written. This can be tricky, because most scrupulous individuals can find verses that seem to support their aggressive proselytism or hyperactive attention to purity.
But scrupulosity must be analyzed from the perspective of the whole life, recognizing the net effect of compulsions on one’s quality of life, and asking whether or not this is truly what God intended.
If you have a spiritual leader who understands scrupulosity, ask him or her to guide you through the process of listing your spiritual compulsions and creating healthy boundaries.
Reassessing God’s Character and Mode of Salvation
Thousands of years ago, God said, “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6). Crucial misunderstandings of God’s character can lead us to erratic, sinful, fanatic, or overly cautious behavior.
That’s been the story of human behavior since the dawn of time.
We humans fear God, we detest His “restrictions,” we pass Him off as a do-gooder marshmallow guy-in-the-sky, or we shelve Him as a fairy tale.
Rarely do we get our picture of God right.
The devil is gleeful, of course. If he can’t freeze us ice of indifference, he’ll burn us in the fire of fanaticism. Just as long as we don’t get it right. Just as long as we don’t catch a glimpse of who God really is in His benevolent love and paternal protection.
Speaking of the devil — do I believe scrupulosity is demonic possession or direct satanic harassment? No. But insofar as we can trace all of earth’s sickness, woes, and sorrows back to Satan, the arch-deceiver and destroyer of all life and happiness, I blame scrupulosity squarely on him.
All things in this fallen world reach out to blind our eyes to the true character of God. Perhaps scrupulous individuals are somewhat more vulnerable to these deceptions, but we are also the ones who, like Martin Luther, will grasp the flame of truth with glowing ardor once we understand it.
An important spiritual intervention for scrupulosity is to develop a biblical understanding of the character of God and His mode of salvation.
Especially for those who have struggled with scrupulosity for years, this can demand an entire worldview transformation. Although scrupulosity has roots in biological predispositions, we have spent years and years strengthening neural networks in the wrong direction.
We went down the wrong mental path so many times that our behavior has created highways towards faulty views of God.
Breaking faulty understandings of God’s character often occurs in stages. There is the initial “aha” moment, full of beauty and excitement, when we see God with new eyes.
But those neural pathways are still so strong.
In our everyday relationship with God, long-established habit struggles against new truths gained from God’s word. We still feel a sense of hyper-responsibility, we fear God’s wrath, we feel a false sense of His displeasure. Thus, many of us may go through a somewhat lengthy stage of learning to apply biblical truths to our faith experience.
And that’s totally ok. God is patient. Is is His patience and longsuffering that is responsible for saving us at the end of the day (2 Peter 3:9).
I work with my clients to root out faulty assumptions about God’s character. We go through scripture and learn how to accept God’s promises by faith, not by feeling or demonstration.
When we look at the history of scrupulosity, this is the step that ultimately helped key figures like Martin Luther to finally come to terms with his religious OCD.
And it will work for you, too.
We’ve discussed clinical and spiritual interventions for scrupulosity, but it’s also important to remember lifestyle factors.
God created us as whole beings — body, mind, and spirit. The brain is connected to the rest of the body, so what we do in the body will affect our mental health.
Without going into too much detail, I’ll remind you of brain-healthy lifestyle habits that you probably already knew about. Stringent adherence to a lifestyle that supports mental health can give you a head start in beating scrupulosity.
Try to implement as many of the following habits as possible:
- Regular physical activity
- Consistent sleep cycles
- Avoidance of alcohol and nicotine
- Relaxation techniques (nature exposure, deep breathing, creating a relaxing home environment, massage, etc.)
- Healthy diet
Think these lifestyle interventions sound unrelated to mental health? Let me challenge that assumption with my story.
When I went into treatment for severe depression, I attended a depression and anxiety recovery program in California. The entire 10-day experience forced attendees into the above lifestyle standards — boot camp style. It also included hydrotherapy sessions (alternating hot and cold water immersion) and cognitive behavioral therapy.
It sounds simple. So. Simple.
Exercise, sleep right, and eat healthy? Yeah, right. As if that can have an impact on mental health.
Let me assure you — I’m a prime witness to the effects of lifestyle on mental health. With three hours of daily exercise in open nature, plant-based food, 8 hours of sleep (circadian rhythm reinforced with a medical-grade blue light), hydrotherapy, and counseling — my depression was cured in ten days.
I’ve been depression-free in the years since.
I don’t maintain a 3-hour daily exercise regimen, but I’ve done my best to continue as much of these lifestyle interventions as possible.
(This video will get you excited to exercise as soon as possible!) ” />
I’m not a scientist; my expertise is in spirituality, so I will not attempt to explain correlations between diet and mental health, nor will I try to explain what happens to your neurotransmitters when you exercise. What I know is that it works, and in our journey with scrupulosity, we need every single bit of help we can get.
Are There Other Disorders Commonly Experienced Alongside Scrupulosity?
Unfortunately, research has discovered that people with obsessive-compulsive disorder are at a higher risk for developing other mental health complications.
For example, individuals with OCD are 10 times more likely to suffer from major depressive disorder and 10 times more likely to die from suicide. There’s a 15-35% overlap between OCD and bipolar disorder, and up to 56% of OCD patients may also have panic disorder (source).
Research has also shown a strong connection between OCD and the following conditions:
- Parkinson’s Disease
- Tourette’s Syndrome (tic disorders)
- Anxiety Disorders
- Eating Disorders
- Trichotillomania (hair-pulling)
- Excoriation (skin-picking)
Sudden onset of obsessive-compulsive symptoms has also been observed after suffering a stroke, or in the case of young children, after contracting strep throat.
Scrupulosity, as a subcategory of OCD, is not invulnerable to these statistics. We need to understand that if we have scrupulosity, we are at risk for other mental health vulnerabilities. Dealing with our obsessive-compulsive trends is a top priority.
It should also be noted that in most cases of depression seen in OCD patients, the OCD predated the depression. That is, when we ask the question about whether the chicken or the egg came first, it is almost always OCD. Depression arises out of the emotional suffering of trying to deal with the obsessive-compulsive spiral.
Scrupulosity OCD is not something to take lightly, as if it’s just a mere personality quirk.
It is a real mental health vulnerability.
This doesn’t mean that it’s the end of the world, but if you’ve been diagnosed with OCD of any kind, it should alert you to the fact that you will need to prioritize mental health self-care more than others in the general population.
This is important for family members and loved ones to understand, as well. Before I was diagnosed with scrupulosity, I hid most of my symptoms (as is quite common with OCD). When the symptoms worsened and began interfering with daily life — taking up hours of my time each day, causing depression and severe distraction — it was like the tip of an iceberg peeking through.
My husband thought I was just stressed out.
But the iceberg was much bigger than it appeared on the surface.
To this day, I still don’t tell my husband all the weird, unhelpful, intrusive thoughts that scrupulosity throws my way.
What I do tell my husband on a regular basis is my emotional status. This is the part of the iceberg that is a good idea to share. Our family members need to know whether we’re feeling anxious, depressed, or calm. They can support us and keep their eyes out for more urgent issues like burnout, panic attacks, or suicidal ideations.
The bottom line: if we have scrupulosity, we belong to a somewhat more vulnerable mental health category. Simply put, let’s take care.
Let’s get out priorities straight. Let’s communicate what we need to communicate to our loved ones. No matter how well we are able to manage our OCD or even go into complete remission, the same vulnerabilities will be there, and we need to take these statistics seriously.
How Long Does It Take for Religious OCD to Get Better?
The improvement rate for scrupulosity depends on a lot of factors.
- Quality of healthcare provider
- Frequency and type of therapy sessions
- Personal effort and dedication
- Environmental stressors
- Family support
Research also suggests that a full remission of OCD is more likely for those who have had symptoms for less amount of time — that is, if you catch it and treat it sooner, you’re more likely to kiss it goodbye for good. However, some people may be willing or unwilling to go through with treatment (like the much-hated, highly effective ERP therapy).
But what about an estimated timeline? How long should it take for scrupulosity to begin getting better?
Dr. Jonathan Abramowitz suggests that in about 16 to 20 ERP sessions, a patient can begin seeing significant improvement of OCD symptoms.
If you work on attacking from every possible angle — including spiritual coaching and lifestyle interventions — you’ll build an even stronger strategy. It’s possible to see your major scrupulosity symptoms disappear or reach a minimal level in just 4 to 6 months.
But if you can’t attack your scrupulosity from all angles — clinical, spiritual, and lifestyle — start with just one. Start with the easiest and most convenient intervention, budget a longer recovery time, and start plugging away.
Scrupulosity OCD is a combination of learned and biological factors that make religion seem like a tyrant. But it doesn’t need to be like that forever. Now is your time to revolt — not against religion, but against this imposter, scrupulosity.
Jesus said we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free (John 8:32). Do you honestly feel “free” within the compulsive demands of scrupulosity?
Christ’s promise of freedom comes through knowing truth. We must take a merciless, truthful look at ourselves and vow to root out every last shred of the “learned” behavior of OCD. We must believe the truth that some parts of scrupulosity are biological and will require long, arduous efforts to bend our brains new ways. We must accept the biblical truth that we are not omniscient and cannot remain addicted to certainty any longer.
Life is short. Every day that ticks by is a day you can either spend in freedom or in bondage. Don’t wait. Don’t think that scrupulosity will go away on its own — it probably won’t. Take action today to gain freedom from religious OCD:
- Take a scrupulosity quiz to find out your likelihood of having religious OCD
- Schedule a consultation to see if scrupulosity coaching is right for you
- Find more articles on my blog to support your scrupulosity journey
As a survivor of scrupulosity, I can tell you that it does get better. But don’t wait. Don’t spend your entire life worshipping God in fear and trembling. Take action today, and learn how to worship Him in spirit and in truth.
What’s holding you back from conquering your scrupulosity?
Hello everyone, I am a Chinese who has suffered from OCD for 10 years, When I was an adolescent I&#39;ve been influenced by some extreme abstinence network organizations, they told me Masturbation is sinful, sexual fantasy is shameful and harmful to the body, I I was brainwashed by these ideas and learned some of the Buddhist ideology from them, currently I am 25 years old and I am single and I am very eager for sex, Whenever I have a sexual fantasy, Images of Buddha and temples will appear in my mind,I felt very frightened Because I think this is blasphemy and disrespect to Buddha and Bodhisattva, and my sexual desire will be annihilated, I feel very, very scared Because I&#39;m afraid I won&#39;t be able to have sex with my wife in the future,，because of that I was in great suffering these days, I don&#39;t want to blaspheme Buddha and Bodhisattva, I also want to be able to enjoy sex normally like other people of my age, Oh please don’t punish me😭.
OCD can manifest in so many ways. The way you pray, how many times you like a light switch on and off, how long you have to wash your hands and if they bleed, trich, anxiety disorder… This is a website that I feel is targeted toward a large group of people tormented with several of these. Rather than cater to just one piece, why not help all of these people who deserve PEACE. I am not discounting the religious aspect of obsessive compulsive disorder, I just do not want people to discount their other issues just because your quiz called them zealots, maniacs, or obsessive religious fanatics. They can overcome ALL of it with time and therapy and love and medication, I hope in my heart. You aren’t broken. We’re different and some of us need assistance to work the day to day to day out, and that’s SO valid and ok. Love and blessings to you all
I love your comment. There are so many aspects to OCD out there and all deserve attention. There are so many good therapies and interventions out there and I hope each person can find just what they need to find healing. For myself personally, I only deal with the religious aspect because that is my area of specialization. I have a BA, MA, and a doctorate all in religious and theological sub-fields, and I have no degree in psychology. So I have my professional limitations on what I feel I can speak to intelligently. Religious OCD overlaps two areas–mental health and religion–so I do my best to address what I can. It is unfortunate that there is such a dire lack of therapists out there, because we do need many more to develop resources and offer a healing hand for issues like OCD. Thank you for bringing up this need, and we pray that God will “send more laborers” to this great task!
Hi Jaimie, I'd really appreciate a response. Regarding meditation, classic meditation and mindfulness helped me calm down and let thoughts pass, but I think I'll leave it because it left me feeling detached and uncomfortable. I've read various posts saying it's sinful, and that if you meditate, it should be on God's word. I fear meditation might actually pull my mind away from God, and it may already be doing so. I don't want that. However, I'm also having trouble meditating on scripture and obtaining calmness, I'm not letting my thoughts "just be there", I'm actively engaging with thoughts about the Lord's word, and I'm afraid it could fuel my mental compulsions/rumination. It's also important to note that "letting your thoughts just be there" is one of the most well-known parts of OCD treatment. I doubt the way it's taught in OCD treatment is the same as in meditation, but it scares me to think about.
Meditation leaves me with little thoughts, but also more distant from God and sad. However, I haven't been able to meditate on scripture and feel like I'm counteracting OCD. Is there a solution to this? I feel confused and awful.
One of the things I recommend for many of my group members who are struggling with obsessive-compulsive readings of Scripture (which, as you’ve noted, can lead to very anxious feelings rather than the calmness that MOST people get when reading Scripture) is to take a break and interact with God through nature for awhile. Nature is what many theologians call the “book of general revelation” while the Bible is the “book of special revelation.” Romans 1 reminds us that God’s invisible power and godhead are understood through “the things that are made,” that is, creation. I find that when I am anxious and feeling obsessive about ANYTHING I read, it’s so helpful to just take a walk in nature and breathe in my surroundings, thanking God for the beautiful world He made for us. There is a type of creation-based mindfulness that we can experience when in nature which I think is not opposed to the teachings of Scripture. Mindfulness in general is helpful. Classical eastern meditation, as you’ve noted, can help us feel calm but may have some unintended negative effects in the long-term, which is why many Christian writers will tell you to take care. But at this point, I think a good middle ground for you might be nature-based mindfulness.
Thank you, Jaimie. God bless you.
Nature guided mindfulness? That’s what I love to hear! Blessings!
I had religious ocd since I was 15 years old. I was fine until one day I read an article about someone calling God "liar". When I read it I installed got scared and that triggered ocd again. What worries me are the so called "false memories". For example, I was praying aloud and I don't remember what I said during prayer then comes the doubt and fear that I might have cursed God in prayer and I get very anxious. So I tried so hard to remember what I said in that prayer and can't remember. But that doubt is taking my peace away. One part of me tell me I'm not capable of cursing God , not in my heart not with my mouth. The other side is the doubt that makes me fears the worse since I don't remember the prayer. Now I'm so afraid to pray aloud and I don't feel the joy of salvation. I'm so afraid to even pray that I have to record myself praying when I do it.
Hi Jamie. Is it possible to get in contact with you?
I need advice urgently.
Hi Aliyah, the best way would be to either set up a one-on-one coaching session or join one of our bi-weekly group coaching sessions, where we have some good open Q&A time. Otherwise, feel free to write your questions in a comment…most of my blog posts and videos are responses to commonly asked questions!
This article scares me. I have suffered Religious OCD for years but did not know what it was. I am 80 now and it has gotten worse. I am seeing a counselor who diagnosed my condition. I need some encouragement that the Lord and I can beat this. I am determined, but this article does not give me hope. Mainly because it leaves me hanging with no encouragement as to the HOW to proceed. Please help. I can’t afford the $70.00 a a week with my therapist which I probably need. Don’t know what or where to turn.
Has someone been able to cover your counseling costs yet?
I have a big problem with religious OCD. My OCD is that I make vows to God to do something. Many of them I have already overcome on my own. But now I am very worried about the oaths and vows that I made in the CHURCH (in front of the icons, turning to God). For example, that I must fast for 4 weeks, do not drink alcohol during fasting, and be sure to take communion once a year, read a prayer before communion, and come only at the beginning of the service. And go to church in autumn and spring. If I am late for the beginning of the service, then it is not considered, as it were, and I need to come to it again. I've been doing this for 15 years now. I feel uncomfortable about all this. I feel unfree. I would not want to fulfill it, but I am very afraid, since these oaths and vows were given precisely in the CHURCH in front of the icons, and that is why I cannot break them. I really want to be free, these obligations bind me, but I have been fulfilling them for more than 15 years, because I am very afraid that if I do not fulfill them, then God will punish me (I or my loved ones will get sick or I will never be able to succeed in work or never be able to earn money). But at the same time, I clearly understand that if it were not for my oaths and promises (which I made in the CHURCH), I would not want to fulfill them. I do not know what to do. I want to be free, but I cannot be free, because these oaths and promises were given to God in the CHURCH.
Do I need to treat it? Or leave everything as it is and fulfill these oaths given in the CHURCH all my life?
How is this type of OCD usually treated? What is the treatment plan?
And does it need to be treated or did these vows come from me and I just have to fulfill them?
Best regards, Ekaterina
Wow! I didn’t know you knew me so well! Isn’t it amazing that the patterns are so strongly identifiable!
The fear and trembling thing. How do we deal with the Bible verse that says to work out our salvation in fear and trembling? And the ones that take a not so gentle swipe at us by saying something like, “if indeed you pass the (self examination) test”,…… if you have persevered or endured, or obeyed the commandments?
I’ve had some horrid fears which I’ve studied and found answers to, and I recorded these so I can remind myself it’s ok. I need to look at those notes from time to time. Interesting what you say about CBT because I find more progress from reminding myself why it’s ok than from yanking my mind away and trying to ignore the fear, which is just exhausting.
I have adrenal over growth, likely due to stress, and that’s made a hormonal wreck of me.
Mustn’t start my life history, sorry. Thank you SO much for your website.
Are you married? If so, and you tell your husband what you have vowed, and when he hears it he disagrees with what you’ve promised, then the Lord will release you from your vow. It’s in Numbers 30:6, I’ve read it only this last week.
Because this is an unreasonable vow you’ve made, I’m sure he will .
I belong to a church where we don’t have icons, and we celebrate communion as a memorial of what Christ has done for us by dying for us, until he comes again. Even our meeting hall isn’t a consecrated building. It is very informal. I miss the words I used to say in my Anglican Church, but these people are my family now, and I joined them because I wanted Bible study groups and more teaching than my parish church offered. We are true Bible believing Christians and the Lord blesses us, so this difference between how we worship must not be so important. And therefore I hope you may come to open your tight grip and let this go and be free. Dear sister.
I have found my scrupulosity revolves around the Eucharist (worrying about particles and crumbs or desecrating the Eucharist) which has led to almost constant checking, not making a good confession, a lot of intrusive thoughts which tie into a long going porn addiction and it all seems to have manifested itself after the pandemic hit.
Thank you so much for taking the time to put this article together. It has a lot of helpful information! I’ve been dealing with scrupulosity for about 4 years now(I thought it was a faith problem or a spiritual attack, until thankfully I discovered scrupulosity about 6 months ago). I also have epilepsy and depression. It’s been so very hard, but I’m clinging on to Jesus. I have many obsessions, but one of the worst ones is not being able to watch “bad guys.” For example, I was watching a Jesus movie with my son, and when they showed Judas betraying Jesus, I got terrible anxiety. I think I fear, “what if I did that?” If we watch a movie with a bad guy, I’ll think, “what if I’m bad like that?” It’s an awful feeling. It makes me feel like a terrible person. My other biggest fear is that I’ll stop believing. Do you have any advice for this? Thank you!
I’m so glad you’ve been able to discover the root of what you’re dealing with. Some people go decades without understanding the difference between devotion and obsession, or even hearing about the word “scrupulosity.” So good for you for doing your research and keeping an open mind.
What you’re describing is pretty common, unfortunately. We tend to gravitate towards “bad guys” in the Bible and elsewhere and develop severe spiritual concerns about them. If you’re familiar yet with the concept of “cognitive distortions” (if not, you’ll eventually get around to understanding this in your scrupulosity recovery journey), this concern with bad guys would be an example of the cognitive distortion of “over personalization,” where we apply things to ourselves that are not really related to us. This is actually so common in scrupulosity that I was considering making a blog post listing all the bad guys in Scripture that scrupulous people get hung up over (Judas is in the top 5) but then I decided against it. I don’t want to make anyone start obsessing over another bad guy in Scripture that they hadn’t yet thought about! 🙂 What’s better is looking at the overall pattern. Overcoming this begins with a solid grasp of what over-personalization means and doing some research on how to avoid that. A good Christian book to begin with on cognitive distortions is “Telling Yourself the Truth” by Backus and Chapain. My only caveat is to NOT get obsessive while you read. We need to understand our negative thought patterns, but we don’t want to introvert and self-analyze ourselves to death, to the point that self-examination becomes another compulsion. So, if you find yourself getting a bit anxious or obsessive as you read, lay it aside and come back another time!
And, as far as always being too hard on yourself and seeing yourself as “bad,” I have a blog post that would be very relevant to this: https://scrupulosity.com/god-hates-me/
Hope this gives a bit of help!
Thanks so much for replying! I was not familiar with cognitive distortions, but after looking it up, there’s no doubt that I struggle with that. I ordered the book that you recommended. Hopefully that will be helpful(I’ll try not to get obsessive while I read it 🙂). I also read the blog post that you shared and found that helpful. Thank you for what you do!
Thank you for replying! I did look up the cognitive distortions, and I got to thinking that maybe you might have misunderstood me. I probably should have worded it differently. When I watch Judas betraying Jesus and get anxiety, I think the fear is that maybe I’m bad too and what if I lose control and do something bad like that . I don’t feel responsible for what Judas did(that’s how I think you understood it and that’s what I understood cognitive distortions to be). And if I watch a movie with a “bad guy,” I get anxiety for the same reason. I think I fear that maybe I’m bad too, and that I might lose control and do something bad. Is this cognitive distortions as well or is this something different? Thanks so much for taking time to help! I appreciate any input!
No, don’t worry, I understood you. It’s not that we feel responsible for what Judas did, it’s that we fear we will do the same or similar things. The fear of losing control is quite common in OCD, and the tendency to take other people’s mistakes as a grave warning about something WE might do is a very “scrupulous” distortion.
Thank you for your great site. I'm 28 and have had OCD Scrupulosity for years. I have had many victories, praise the Lord and still some struggles. Overall I'd say it's mostly under control.
However, I've struggled for years with matters Christians might consider as "gray" areas. Such as movies. I've gone back and forth over the years, sometimes not watching a single thing on tv (literally), and other times watching perhaps a PG-13 movie.
I have been obsessed with the verse Philippians 4:8. Whatever is lovely, whatever is pure, whatever is true, noble, right, etc, think on these things."
My mind thinks well that verse basically rules out anything, including some PG movies.
The majority of those around me think it's a very unbalanced approach.
I am so conflicted because it's not black and white. (I'm also afraid this is just reassurance seeking now).
But I really don't know. I honestly think I could be in sin these last 10 years by not obeying that verse to a T. Or perhaps I'm OCD'ing…
Thank you for your insight!
Thanks for your comment. I agree, our current culture leaves a lot of things as “gray” areas that may have been clearer a few decades ago. I was very surprised yesterday as I listened to an old audio recording from a mid-century pastor speaking about how we ought to exude a spirit of hope and confidence in other people rather than a spirit of condemnation. He told a story of how he and his wife were concerned with their daughter’s “standards” with boys, but instead of condemning her, he chose to speak with confidence, telling her that he was proud of her “high standards.” That night, when she snuck out to meet her boyfriend, he tried to kiss her hand, but she didn’t allow him. She remembered her father’s trust in her and she told him, “no, my standards won’t allow it.” I was blown away. Wow. No kissing her HAND? The kinds of things that were considered good and respectable before the sexual revolution and the total cultural upheaval…listening to old sermons is like moral time travel!
So we come to things like television and we think to ourselves, “what’s balanced?” But we need to ask if this is the right question. What’s balanced according to whom? According to which time period? According to which set of moral standards? Did you know the oldie show “I Dream of Jeannie” in the late 60’s was almost pulled because it was considered too risqué to have an actress showing her bellybutton? Today, even in much of so-called “Christian” culture, it’s considered normal to have sex and cohabitate with your sexual partner before marriage. According to Pew Research, 58% of white evangelicals say that it is ok for Christians to cohabitate if they plan to marry. This has come a long way from the time when a pastor’s daughter would not allow a kiss to her hand. And let’s not even talk about other things seen in movies of today–cursing, nudity, sexual innuendos or open sex scenes, drugs, drinking, crime, lying, and much more.
You can probably tell I don’t have a mainstream opinion of Hollywood. But hear me out.
I don’t believe the television is an evil contraption. We can use it to watch man land on the moon, or we can use it to watch violent porn. The television is a piece of technology that has no inherent moral value as a DEVICE. But, what we choose to stream on it can build up our spiritual walk or tear us down. Just like books. You can read about how to become a neurosurgeon and saves people’s lives, or you can read about how to make a homemade pipe bomb to take people’s lives.
In these kinds of things, we don’t want to be “balanced.” We want to be right.
“Balance” means we take a middle position between two opposite poles. However, as time and culture progresses, these poles move further and further towards worldliness. What was “liberal” and “scandalous” thirty years ago is now mainstream. If we try to be balanced, our own position will be constantly moving as society moves around us. Instead of balance, we want to have Biblical truth.
I think you’re going in a good direction by looking at ratings. PG-13 and below are generally wholesome, although I have at times been disappointed. Movie ratings are not a die-hard boundary to draw, as these change over time as well, but they can be helpful. I think the bigger issue in your case is that, as you’ve mentioned, you’re making these restrictions for yourself out of a place of OBSESSION. That is not healthy. We want to choose our entertainment from a place of conviction and Holy Spirit-powered joy. When we find the place where God wants us to be, throwing off inappropriate movies will come forth naturally from a heart that no longer enjoys evil.
I watch some programs from time to time, but I’m very selective. However, I see this is a healthy part of my faith journey and I find value in it, I enjoy it. It is not an obsessive trait for me, it is “something better.” The keyword for truly faith-based lifestyle choices is that we see them as “something better” rather than a restriction or a yoke. I appreciate that I don’t have to sit through violent scenes, which make me feel anxious. I don’t have to watch sex scenes that make so many women feel sexually inferior. I don’t have to listen to curse words that get stuck in my head and then want to pop out when I stub my toe. It’s very wholesome not having to be exposed to these things–so for me, it’s very liberating to have a very narrow window of things I watch. You would need to navigate these waters and decide between you and God what is coming from obsessive-compulsive traits, and what is truly part of your spiritual journey.
Wishing you the best on this complex but beautiful endeavor!
Thank you Jaimie for your very thoughtful and thorough response! I think we are on the same page. I have no desire to watch rated R movies where you have to cringe when a certain violent or sex scene comes on. I do desire to love God with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind and strength. And I know He desires that we be at liberty and not burdened. I think I may need to start some sort of ERP for this verse obsession (over Phil. 4:8). I have skyped with Dr. Osborn who is great and I think you mention him in your site. I will peruse your site for helpful tips on how to employ rigorous ERP. Don't mean to take too much of your time but feel free to respond if you have something specific that goes with what I'm calling "verse obsessions."
Thank you again!
Sounds great, Jason. I was a guest on Kevin Foss’ podcast, FearCast, where we talked about how to apply ERP to spiritual obsessions. He’s an OCD specialist in CA, and we had a great conversation about ERP. You can probably find it just by googling my name and “FearCast.”
Your website is so helpful! I have struggled with ocd for the last 9 years. Other themes have bothered me in the past (hocd, pocd) but about a year ago I developed a new theme of being terrified I would become an atheist or change religions. I haven’t seen much of this mentioned on the site so just wanted to get some input.
I think with so many deconstruction stories going around and my husband got really into apologetics I had always had questions about my faith. I opened myself up to these questions and it feels like the ocd just took over. I am feeling so sad and paralyzed because this is the most important part of my life. I keep ruminating that everything about God doesn’t add up or make sense. I look for evidence of Gods peace in my life and it leads me to the conclusion that God must not be real because I don’t see any difference in my life (I know this is a lie I am believing in the moment). I also am very tripped up over other religions because they believe whole heartedly that what they think is true….it’s all a mess in my head.
I guess all of this leads me to my question about how much information I should take in? I used to love listening to Christian podcasts and sermons and reading books. I will not compromise on reading the Bible daily but it seems that the other information is super triggering. How do you discern when it is running away from the fear and when it just isn’t wise? I also want to engage in evangelism but it feels like my own faith is hanging on by a thread so how can I share with people when my faith feels soooo uncertain and such a mess in my head?
I greatly appreciate any input!
I do understand the struggle. Ugh, those apologetic debates! I avoid them simply because of the heatedness of the discussions (especially the streetside debates that escalate into pushing and shoving). Then there are the sophisticated “higher criticism” discussions that use elegant, academic language to undermine the authority of the Bible. Also not worth my time. Jesus said “Search the Scriptures, for in them ye think ye have eternal life; and these are they which testify of Me.” John 5:39. The pharisees approached the Bible like a mathematical, logical vending machine. If they put in the right equations, they would get eternal life out of it. But Jesus said that the Scriptures are a way to meet HIM. Eternal life, therefore, is not so much a logical, confessional equation so much as it is a relationship of devotion. Thankfully, I can remain committed to my relationship with Jesus even when I encounter things I don’t understand in Scripture (and believe me, I do all the time!)
I do think it’s ok to step back from podcasts and sermons for a while if you find them triggering. These things are great, but at the end of the day they are like ABC gum (already-been-chewed). The Bible is our primary source to meet Jesus every morning and will always be the best content you could soak up.
My advice is to try to view your devotional time as a moment to relate to God rather than to answer questions about God. Sometimes we’ll have answers, sometimes we won’t. But “devotion” means we are kneeling before Him with love, whether we have clarity today or not.
Thank you for the quick reply! All very helpful information.
I do have a follow up question:
I know we are to treat our obsessions with indifference and understand that it is just the ocd flagging that they are important. Do you have any insight on how to treat the idea that you may not believe in Christianity anymore with indifference when it is the most important thing in your life? With my other obsessions it was easier to understand how to treat them with indifference but I still want to engage with my faith, but I just don’t want to be doubting that Christianity is true. So, any ideas on how to try to still believe it is true when your whole mind is telling you it isn’t….
I sure hope that makes sense!
I have similar obsessions as you, though at the point where I am right now, they don’t bother me much at all. When I get a thought passing through my mind that says, “What if Christianity isn’t true?” I respond with brutal reality: “Sure, it’s possible that I’m wrong and I’ve built my entire life on faulty foundations. I’m not so egotistical to think I know all the answers and that everything I do and believe is perfect.” Then I follow this up with my commitment. “But even if I don’t get things totally right, I’m committed to following Jesus. That’s a decision that I can CHOOSE even when my mind is filled with doubts.”
So it’s like this:
REALITY + COMMITMENT = WITHERING OF OBSESSION
I use the word “wither” intentionally. We would like to destroy our obsessions with the blast of a laser gun–something big and immediate. Killing our obsessions is more like killing houseplants, though. It takes time before we see them withering. Nowadays, my obsessions usually last only a few seconds or minutes and I’m done. You can get there, too. Just remember that you don’t HAVE to understand everything; all we need is partial understanding (after all, Paul told us that “now we see in a glass, darkly; now we know in part, but then shall we know even as we are known!”). With partial understanding comes commitment, which is a decision we make despite the uncertainty.
Thank you! This was very helpful!
Thank you so much for taking the time and effort to put this post together. I scored Moderate which didn’t surprise me as a middle aged Roman Catholic who has been treated for OCD. I hope everyone who reads this gets as much out of it as I did. I will be saying a prayer for you tonight. God Bless, Take Care and once more Thank you.
Thank you for your prayer! May the Lord bless you in your journey to health and wellness.
Thank you for doing the Lord's work. I feel He sent me here.
Hi Jaimie, am David from Kenya I was recently suffering from some kind of attacks or I can call it humiliation more of a torment. I was faced with serious intrusive blasphemous thoughts and all I wanted was peace for I neither could concentrate during the day nor get a good sleep at night. Firstly, I never told anyone about it for I was certain it would go away sooner, but that was not the case. Seeing that life was becoming unbearable for me, I finally decided to let my mom and other close family members know about it but none could relate for it was unheard of to them. Meanwhile, I was praying fervently asking for God's intervention to deliver me from the unknown battle I found myself in. In the process scanning trying to look for solutions over the internet, I found your website on scrupulosity and I can tell you that, that was a huge stride to my healing. It dawned on me that I was having a disorder (OCD).I read several articles there; everything was exactly what I was experiencing right from the triggers to the last phase. I learnt that God already knows our thoughts and intentions and the best thing was to IGNORE the invasive blasphemous thoughts I didn't know it's origin.Hence therefore, avoiding the series of overly tiring compulsive response of trying to resist.
Thank you so much. I am now better nolonger worried and nolonger having the intrusive thoughts. Though I could feel it from a distance from time to time, I now have the power to avoid getting involved in it. Big thanks to God Almighty for delivering me. Also, thank you and God bless you as you impact others too.
Hi David, I’m so glad to hear that God has been working in your life and leading you to a deeper knowledge of Him and a healthy understanding of our anxious thoughts. Praise God for His presence and healing. May you be blessed always,
God bless you tremendously Jamie❤️
I love you 💕
I have had this for over 7- 8 years
I can say this article was so helpful and you’re doing the Lord’s work.
Scrupulosity is evil, and it’s beautiful how the Holy Spirit was the one that first awakened me to it. Thank you thank you!
I’m so glad you found the information helpful. Praise God! Glad to have you in our little scrupulosity recovery community and hope you will be blessed many times over. 🙂
Last week I found out this blog and I literally started to cry. I have had compulsions approximately for a year now. When I read articles about OCD, I've always thought: "I can relate to the feeling of having obsessions, but still, I can relate only partly." Here in Finland (were I live) it is quite difficult to find information about OCD in Finnish. Religious OCD is even more less-known, since it's often mentioned only in a way like "Oh, and praying can be a compulsion too." Then I found this blog and a whole new world opened to me. "I'm not the only one with this kind of problems?" is what I've been thinking now.
I have never been a super-duper religious person and by that I mean that I don't go to church that often. On the other hand, my mother was raised in a very religious family, so faith has still always been part of my life. Even though I don't go to church often, I still do have a religious life. On Sundays, I watch the service on TV (I don't know if it's a thing in other countries that they show them on TV), pray and read the Bible a little bit. I do occasional voluntary work as a Sunday school teacher and I attend Summer camps organized by the local church (nowadays as a help leader). I may not be the most noteworthy Christian, but I am a Christian.
What's the problem then?
It all started with a few questions. A few, unanswered questions that I was too shy to ask. Questions like "Is it okay to have non-Christian friends?" or "Is it okay to be interested in non-Christian cultures?" Sometimes, when I listened to Japanese music, I suddenly started to wonder: "This singer isn't probably Christian. Is it okay to like her music?"
That was one problem. However, even if those questions disturbed me, they didn't make my life too uncomfortable.
But it was just the beginning.
During the pandemic, the compulsions came. When I go to my room, I have to touch certain objects in certain order (the Bible, religious images etc.) and certain times and whisper: "Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. " (In Finnish, it's kinda hard to translate). I have this kind of rituals relating to several rooms.
Then my Sunday rituals started to transform into much more… perfectionist-like. When I watch the service, I can't just simply "watch" it. When the congregations stands up for the Apostles' Creed, I feel like I have to stand up too. But if I'm too late, if I don't rise the same time, I feel somehow guilty. And after watching the service, I go read the Bible. The problem is that I always feel like I'm not reading enough. At some point, I read the same text three or four times, just in case that I "truly read it". After that, I pray. I have this certain prayer, that has to be said after reading the Bible. It's not that long, but let's just say that it usually takes a minute or two. However, the problem is that nowadays I feel like I have to say that prayer every time I see an open Bible and read the text.
Then came the intrusive thoughts. Swear words. I have never sworn that much. At some point, swear words started popping into my mind. I came up with a compulsion were I touch my cross necklace 12 times every time I hear a swear word or my brain comes up with one. I don't have this compulsion anymore, and the intrusive thoughts stopped at some point, but now they're back.
Then came "the self punishment". When I feel like I have done something wrong, I punish myself. Usually it means not doing something that I enjoy. Let's just say that for example, currently I have banned coffee drinking (because I forgot to say "God bless this meal." before drinking a cup of coffee.), painting (honestly, I don't even remember the reason anymore), drawing (I drew when I had just decided I wouldn't draw on that day). At some point I banned using a pillow when sleeping. One day I banned listening to music.
Then came checking things. It started with checking from internet some religious terms I didn't know what they were and ended with spending daily time by checking words, places and people. Sometimes I have checked things even if I know them, because checking became almost a religious act for me. "I am not a good Christian if I don't know this term." was often my reasoning.
My latest problem is praying. I simply cannot watch news anymore. Every single time I hear that there's something bad happening somewhere, I pray for those people in my mind. Doesn't sound bad, right? Well, here's the problem: after praying, I start thinking: "Did I pray? Did I remember to pray? I don't feel like I prayed. I have to pray and say that I am sorry that I did not pray right away." "Did I surely pray?" is now a daily question. Every time I pray, I don't feel like I have prayed.
And on top of everything, I have this random feeling like I'm just an imposter. Everyone else around me, even those who are less active members of the church, seem to be so confident about their relationship with God. And then there's me, I'm all the time feeling like I'm just some sort of Christian wannabe.
I have now talked with people about my problems. Luckily here in Finland school offers mental health support for free (I'm 17 and still studying). What I'm afraid is that what if my problems are much bigger than what people think? Every time I am able to stop one compulsion, I come up with another. What if I'm not getting better?
I’m so glad you were able to find our little scrupulosity community and join us here. 🙂 No, you’re not alone–religious themes in OCD are common, though I don’t think we have super-accurate statistics to tell us how common it is. And that’s so neat that you’re in Finland. My husband is from Germany, so we are fairly often in Germany and Switzerland, but I’ve not had the chance to visit Finland yet. I once had some colleagues from there, and they were lovely people. I’m sure your country is an amazing place.
I must say, everything you’ve explained is very typical scrupulous behavior. Even the fear of not getting better is common for people struggling with OCD. There is always a “what if” question stemming from the chronic doubt of OCD. Learn to listen for that phrase–“what if?”– and you will almost always find an obsessive concern connected with it. I’m glad you’re talking with people about this struggle. I would recommend getting in touch with an OCD expert in Finland (yay for free health care!) and try to be open about the specifics.
God is with you! He will help and guide you to a place of peace and calmness.
Be blessed always,
Thank you! God bless you too!
I wish websites wouldnt spend so much time on saying what scrupulosity is.(I KNOW WHAT IT IS LOL) and more on solutions. Or at least leave a link at the top so you can scroll down to them. My ocd is literally driving me insane. I cant say what it is because I dont want to trigger others. Its the worst possible one, I think.
That’s a good idea. Probably in some of my longer posts I can put a linked table of contents in the top. 🙂 Thanks for the suggestion!
Glad you’re here. There are a bunch of people in the scrupulosity community who would definitely agree that this issue makes us feel insane. You’ll make it through this!
Your advices has been a great help to me, thank you very much. I hope your sessions will be available again.
Thank you very much for all your articles and I think I speak for everyone when I say that it is a blessing for when you have religious OCDs and scrupulousness.
Your biggest quality is how you talk about this topic, and I really think anyone with scrupulousness should be able to stumble upon your site.
I have been suffering from religious OCD and scrupulousness for some time now, I think the biggest problem in all of this is discernment. I suffer from guilt and feel like God is asking me to give up or not to do a certain thing because otherwise it would mean going to hell. When I read your site I feel a lot better because I understand that these are OCDs and I relate to everything you say. However, when I do research like "How to tell if God is speaking to me" and I come across articles like "When God tells you not to do something" and there are things as a "sign" like "If you are struggling with your thinking it's probably God speaking to you and you who don't want to hear it" it makes me completely lost and anxious because when I read your blog I have a religious OCD, when I read someone else's, in fact it is God speaking to me, and I don't think I am the only one experiencing this in this difficult time. What is your opinion on the subject? How to have discernment? Especially when scrupulousness can sometimes be backed up by verses from the Bible?
Thank you for everything
God bless you
All of your sessions are sold out and I do not see any option for a waiting list.
Does that exist on your page?
Hi, Jason, thanks for asking. I’m no longer managing a waiting list because it started getting complex to maintain after I had 100+ people in “line.” I’m currently working through the remainder of this list and then will open my coaching sessions up to a first-come-first-serve basis. As long as you’re in the scrupulosity master tribe mailing list, you’ll get notified when new availabilities come up! God bless you in your journey with Christ!
I love the False guilt is a brain glitch, its NOT real, sometimes I would try to skateboard outside, but sometimes I also feel I have to stay on my porch and read a book about God and I cant skateboard right now, I struggle with intrusive thoughts too. Im glad my mom refered me to this.
Absolutely! There’s a difference between real guilt and false guilt. Lots of people with scrupulosity have trouble feeling “ok” with normal, healthy activities like skateboarding. Remember that although God wants to be part of your life, He also wants you to “have a life!” Jesus said He has come that we may “have life, and have it more abundantly!”
What about when you think that by obeying what you thought was God in the past 4 years, that you ended up abandoning someone who may or may not have been in need? This haunts me so much because I do believe that God wants me to love my neighbor as myself, but I don't want to love my neighbor and find people I left in the past if Satan is telling me to do it. The voice in my head that tells me to find the person always acts like and says he is Satan. I don't want to believe it is God. Do I have to believe it is God? I feel bad for not wanting to see the person again but I don't want to! Even though I am scared that it has hurt the person. I am despicable!
Hi Jamie, I'm very much enjoying your website and am finding the articles and numerous links really helpful in my new but growing understanding of OCD and related issues.
Having recently read the treatment options in the article on Scrupulosity, I'm wondering whether your categorising CBT as a separate treatment from ERP and ACT is open to being misunderstood? As I'm sure you're aware, ERP and ACT come under the umbrella of CBT and therefore to have a separate category for CBT (and only giving it 2 stars) might be understood as all CBT getting 2 stars, rather than the particular form of CBT that you experienced as unhelpful.
Anyway, I thought I'd mention it just in case it's something you've overlooked, although I very much doubt it, going by the thoroughness and attention to detail that hallmarks your website. Thanks for this inspired ministry – God bless you.
You’re right. That distinction is an important one and probably deserves an edit in the original article when I have time to go back and do it thoughtfully. But for now, I’ll agree with your assessment that ERP and ACT both fall under the general category of CBT, and what I was referencing, to use more specific terms, might be more accurately called cognitive restructuring. And it can sometimes be very helpful, so I won’t give it zero stars! For example, when I work with my clients, we do a lot of Scripture work that challenges their understandings of certainty vs. doubt, the nature of guilt, and control addictions. But I would never want to give them a free pass to sit and analyze every single thought running through their minds or “challenge” those intrusive thoughts. So yes, it’s a fine line, and I appreciate you bringing up that distinction for other readers. Thank you, Jason!
This is a really well laid out article on scrupulosity and how to treat it. I’ve been suffering so severely for 8 years now. I describe my thoughts as “a river of evil thoughts continually”. The thoughts and rumination and anxiety have wreaked havoc on my soul. I’ve been suicidal for years now. It’s like while we understand that these thoughts are irrational it feels like it is God. Scrupulosity and sin (that’s where this originated from since sin is the exact reason for all evil literally) has taken everything from me. Food from my mouth all my belongings my conscience my peace my relationships with people and God my health you name it! This article has given me something I’ve been desperately needing. Hope. Thank you for this. God bless all of us and may The Lord Jesus Christ help us in our journey with these afflictions.
You are absolutely right in laying the blame for scrupulosity on evil. It’s not your fault; it’s not God doing it to you. Religious OCD is merely another symptom of us living in a broken world — a world that has been purchased by Christ’s sacrifice, but not yet claimed in His reestablishment of glory. As Paul says, all creation groans withe birth pangs. Soon we will be delivered from our bend towards willful, chosen sin, and we will be delivered from the fallout effects of living in a sin-stricken world, such as mental health disorders. May God bless you in your journey towards wholeness.
I am so glad I found your web site. I have been in this OCD struggle for a very long time. It is a very stressful and painful experience.
I don't know how this start, at the beginning it's a blasphemy thought to the Holy Spirt but later on this OCD morph into something more intense and horrific ..
Whenever I read Bible or any spiritual book or listen to a sermon audio. when it come up to ta sentence like Glory to God, Praise Lord Jesus.. Jesus is Son of God there is a thought to replace God to dxxxx, like glory to dxxxxx, priase lord dxxxx … this thought is so automatic come out and pop into my head.. so intuitive and make me so scare.. when this thought come up, I have to go through a repetitive saying or thought in mind.. Glory to God.. Glory to God.. Glory to God.. the more I do.. the more I encounter a resistant which is opposite to what I am thinking..
This OCD bother my relationship with God… this OCD morph into many things.. simply is whatever is God.. the thought come with an opposite.. even Jesus is God .. and opposite is xxx
It make me fear so much and it direct impact and hit my core believe and I have to reinforce my believe repetitive.
It make me sometimes afraid to close to God.. as I am so afraid of the opposite "think"
It sure sounds like you’re having religious OCD. Please check out my video about religious intrusive thoughts, I believe it will be helpful for you.
I have lived in a fear of getting posessed by a demon which moved to a fear of getting raped by a demon. I keep seeking reassurance that these things cannot happen and ive contacted pastors and religious people to help ease my fears but they never truly go away. I have trouble with showering because im naked and I get so scared I will get attacked. I've lived on and off with these fears for 15 years!! At some times it is crippling! Any advice for me? I would greatly appreciate it so much.
It’s fairly common for me to get clients talking to me about these chronic fears of getting possessed or raped by a demon. I have at least 5 current clients with this. Let me tell you about two recent cases. In one case, her fear went from very high to negligible after only three sessions. In the other case, we met for a dozen sessions and made almost no progress in decreasing her fears. Of course, I was not working hard with one client and napping with the other. Success is in your hands, not mine. So what made the difference?
In the first case, the individual worked like crazy on herself, and she believed she could get better. In between our sessions, she read books and drew up spreadsheets and lists. And most of all, she was humble. She was ready to admit that she probably had some incorrect thinking patterns, and she was willing to do the hard work of changing them at any cost. In the second case, I can sum up everything by saying that this individual never came to the point of being able to admit they were wrong. Romans 3:4 says “Let God be true and every man a liar.” We MUST come to the point of recognizing that we are believing our feelings over the Word of God, that we are harboring fears that are untrue and unbiblical, and that our OCD is feeding off a host of untruths. We must open ourselves to admit, “hey, maybe my OCD is built upon some faulty beliefs; maybe I can’t make progress until I’m willing to take a truthful, humble look at myself.”
That would be my best advice to you. Don’t be afraid to take a tough look at yourself and develop the willingness to change literally whatever needs to be changed in order to get better.
Hey Jamie ! I have really been struggling . I believe what I have is ocd . As a kid I would worry about health issues , a few years back I convinced myself I was losing my mind after my first panic attack . Then I found god and everything made sense . I was at total peace , accepting the faith and loved being a child of God . Then I came off my Zoloft. Three months into being off my Zoloft I started having doubts about my faith . These doubts lead into questions that I can not answer or satisfy " why does god allow some to go to hell, why did god create man if some would go to hell , maybe I'm going to hell . I have convinced myself that this is Satan trying to steal my faith and the love I had for God. I can't even read the Bible anymore with out intense anxiety. Once what brought me comfort now brings me intense anxiety, and I can't help but think this is exactly what Satan wanted . And we'll it seems as though he has succeed. I want my child like faith back . I'm really struggling , can not stop crying , life has lost its luster and thrill since I have confirmed myself to hell. Please help me . I have read almost all literature on religious ocd and nothing seems to help . Sincerely yours Anthony
Hi, Anthony. So sorry to hear about your struggle! You’re right, religious OCD brings about these recurring questions that can’t seem to be answered that fill you with intense anxiety. It’s true that in the Christian walk, we will always encounter mysteries of faith that we can’t explain, and that’s ok. Faith means that we rest at the threshold between human limitations and the vast expanse of divine knowledge that is beyond. But for the scrupulous mind, gray areas and unanswered questions in the realm of religion become intolerable. They fill us with a feeling of being unsafe. From there, it is only a small step to believing that if we cannot answer these questions, we will be lost.
Please know that your feeling of being “confirmed to hell” is not from God. When we have scrupulosity, the whole thing is driven by an emotional engine. Those negative emotions (feeling anxious, unsafe, uncertain) are very strong, and if we believe those emotions are telling us the truth, we will begin to create worst-case scenarios in our minds (I’m going to hell, God will reject me, I’m going to become delusional, etc.) But the Bible teaches that feelings are a very poor arbiter of truth. Feelings just aren’t an accurate way to know what’s true about my spiritual life. That is why scrupulosity recovery demands that we learn to tolerate uncomfortable feelings and see them for what they are: just feelings, not a newsflash about our spiritual lives. We learn to raise up God’s Word as the ultimate guide to truth rather than our subjective experiences. This, I know, is very difficult — and people who have never endured the intense anxiety and mental loops of OCD can never know exactly how this feels. But from one scrupe to another, I can tell you that I know what you’re going through. And there’s hope to get your childlike faith back.
Raise up God’s Word as your standard for truth. It is safe and right to ignore your feelings.
Praying for God to touch your life and restore your health.
Hi Jaimie Eckert,
This was among the best “guides” to scrupulosity I’ve read. Congratulations for your insight and a big thank you for writing it.
Maybe you could give me some advice. I’ve suffred from OCD since childhood and from my teenage years until now, the religious themes are being the most bothersome. A few years ago, the thought that I had to promise I would not do something I enjoyed (reading a book) anymore appeared in my head. I became very frightened because somehow I thought this could be God wanting me to do it, so refusing it would mean refusing God’s will. It was like having an internal voice ordering: “Promise this! Promise this!”These thoughts bothered me day and night, but after some research I recognized them as intrusive thoughts and felt much better. They would return, but I would label them as OCD and try my best to ignore them. Unfortunately, earlier this year, they returned with a twist: this time a had to promise to help my family. So, if my mother got sick, for example, the thought would order: “Promise you’ll never do… anymore in order for your mother to get better” or “Promise you will never do… anymore so your aunt will not have Alzheimer’s Disease”. I felt I was responsible for everyone’s health and safety. The thoughts always demand that I stop doing something I enjoy forever. While I can recognize this as OCD, I’m having a hard time because I really love my family and refusing to make these promises seems selfish.
If you could give me some advice, I will be very pleased.
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve suffered from religious OCD for so long. Yes, what you’re describing is a textbook case of religious intrusive thoughts. The ability to identify these thoughts as OCD is a big step — but like many others, you’re still feeling like they “stick around” and never quite go away. This is the repetitive, overly-cautious power of OCD kicking in and making sure nothing bad happens!
What might be helpful to you is recognizing the utter disconnect between your trigger and your fear. Therapists often refer to “magical thinking” when someone believes unrelated events are causally connected. With scrupulosity, we end up tying together two completely unrelated phenomenon — for example, “if you look at porn one more time, your mother is going to get run over by a car.” What is the connection between porn and random car accidents? There IS NO CONNECTION. It is a superstitious connection, like the old children’s rhyme, “step on a crack, break your mother’s back.” The thing is, with scrupulosity we often (though not always) are triggered by an action or thought that is legitimately not the best. Returning to my example, “if you look at porn one more time, your mother is going to get run over by a car.” Many Christians view pornography as something wrong, so a person may have a valid, legitimate spiritual concern about the kinds of things he is watching online. But the issue is when a legitimate conviction gets tied to an unrelated phenomenon. This is simply not how God works. God doesn’t punish other people for your sins. I recommend meditating on Ezekiel 18 and soaking in the idea that God holds each individual accountable, and none of your sins will bleed over onto other people. So if the thing you think you need to promise is a real conviction, deal with it appropriately, but not in the context of OCD’s fear mongering.
Now, backing up a bit: sometimes these kinds of thoughts are NOT about any kind of legitimate conviction. Sometimes it may be more like, “if you eat pasta or light fragrant candles or go camping or play with your dog, your mother is going to get run over by a car.” The same superstitious linking can happen with very innocuous, non-sinful things. Despite sounding very illogical, the person with scrupulosity may believe that the intrusive thoughts are “God’s voice” and feel they are being “tested.” The anxiety here is not so much about the item or activity being outlawed as it is about being able to know God’s voice and prevent disaster through perfect behavior. What you need to know is that, again, God is not like that. He is not interested in micromanaging what color highlighter you use or the order in which you put on your clothes. He is not “testing” you to give up drinking Gatorade after your trip to the gym or any of the million other obsessions we encounter in the world of scrupulosity. I would encourage you to ponder Micah 6:8 to remember what God is really interested in.
God bless you as you learn to sort between valid convictions and the loud static of religious OCD!
I wanted to thank you very much for your answer. I planned to thank you as soon as you replied, but due to these complicated times, other concerns came to my atention and I unfortunately forgot.
Again, thank you very much and God bless you!
Thank you Jaimie! I appreciate your resources, suggestions, and advice. God bless you!
Thank you Jaimie. I appreciate your feedback.
However, I just cannot get myself to believe the fact that OCD thoughts are not sin. I was seeing a Christian Counselor and he had me read the book- The Search for Significance and I started to learn a lot more about my identity in Christ. However, I still could not find peace in what he told me that thoughts are not sin… If this is true, then why do I still feel condemned and filled with so much shame?
I understand the cycle of uncertainty about figuring out what is what. I would recommend reading the book “Can Christianity Cure Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?” I think it will help you make some progress in knowing where to place your efforts.
I had a quick question. Even though I believe I have Scrupulosity OCD, I sometimes cannot help myself think of the bible verse in 2nd Timothy 4: “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth. and shall be turned unto fables.” I guess what I am trying to get at is this: Is Scrupulosity OCD real/true? Because there is not mention of it in the Bible. Am I seeking something to soothe my soul as having itching ears so to speak and creating an excuse of having these unwanted thoughts? I guess what I am saying is I don’t want to head down the wrong path by just ignoring the thoughts, etc, if in reality I should be doing everything I can to prevent the thoughts from entering my mind to begin with. I would appreciate your insight on this.
Hi John — it’s an important verse you bring up. Self-deception abounds in our world, and human nature is always ready to find excuses for leaving the “narrow way.” However, this self-deception can go in both directions.
Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil;
Who put darkness for light, and light for darkness;
Who put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!
At one extreme we have people who lust after the things of the world, calling evil things good. But don’t forget that there is another extreme, people who call good things evil. This is typically what we find with scrupulosity, an overactive conscience that condemns good things as evil and see danger and sin where there is none. OCD is real; it can be studied and measured and it is even possible to predict the likelihood of your child getting OCD if you had it (400% higher). But oddly enough, it is very common for people with scrupulosity to ask the same question you’ve asked: is this even real? It is the overactive “danger signals” of OCD telling you to even be careful of the cure.
This is something that I cover in my 12 Step Scrupulosity Recovery Program. Step 1 is actually looking at whether these kinds of symptoms indicate God’s ideal form of spirituality or a twisted, hijacked version of faith. You can check out the video at http://www.jaimieeckert.com and see if you think the 12 Step program would be helpful for you.
I appreciate your feedback and it is definitely helpful. I pray that God will continue to use you to minister and help other people who are in dire need of direction and guidance with OCD Scrupulosity. You have probably touched and helped bring about healing to many people already and that gives God all the Glory. God bless you and continue to guide your steps into helping people!
Peace and Blessings,
I believe I have been dealing with Religious Scrupulosity and I just cannot get certain curse words/cuss worse out of my head. I will normally starting picturing Jesus in my minds eye when the unwanted thoughts come, but then they come back again. They can be cuss words towards people I love like family and friends. So, I feel horrible because I feel the need to turn to God and ask for forgiveness. I also have doubts about salvation and need to know for sure (100%) I am going to spend eternity with Jesus. However, I sometimes just can’t myself to believe this truth. Thank you for these resources you have provided. – John
Hi John, You’re right – what you describe sounds like religious OCD. The cyclical nature of how those thoughts keep coming back again, and the unwanted and distressing nature of these thoughts would seem to suggest you’re dealing scrupulosity. It’s hard to believe the truth when these feelings are so loud and distracting. I often tell my clients that our main goal isn’t to fight with these distressing thoughts or make them go away, but instead learn to “turn the volume down” so that they become less important and take up less time. It’s kind of like ignoring bratty kids until they figure out they won’t get any attention with their misbehavior. Treating scrupulosity can feel quite scary at times, because the kind of thoughts like you mentioned don’t feel like they are safe to ignore — but they are. Wishing you the best in your journey to wellness. Feel free to be in touch.
Informative! My question that I really never find is what do we do with the intrusive thoughts? So we repent of them? If so how when they are coming on rapid fire. How can we be sure that some of our ocd intrusive thoughts are not ours? How do we repent and discern what’s ours and what’s not? It’s so hard to tell because they all feel like they belong to us. Possibly some could. If anyone has an answer to what they do that would be great.
Yes, your questions are definitely very typical for those of us with scrupulosity. At the root of these questions is the niggling thought, “how can I be absolutely sure?” This is why scrupulosity is called the “doubting disease.” We want to be sure we aren’t sinning by having these thoughts, we want to be sure the thoughts aren’t ours, and so we spend hours splitting hairs and overanalyzing. Believe me, I’ve been there, so I TOTALLY get you. 🙂
To be brief, though, the bottom line is that our intrusive thoughts are NOT sinful, and I don’t encourage repenting for them. What I do encourage is talking to God openly about the situation and learning how to transfer responsibility to Him for saving you. In other words, what the scrupulous spiritual giants Martin Luther, John Bunyan, and Terese de Lisieux all discovered was how to transfer ultimate responsibility to God for the things that we can’t know, do, or figure out. Your salvation doesn’t depend on how well you can split hairs over your intrusive thoughts. Your salvation depends on casting your naked, helpless soul upon a merciful God, who takes charge of all the rest.
Yes, it can feel like these thoughts belong to us, but they do not. The fact that you feel anxiety and abhorrence over them is evidence enough that they are not from you. If you enjoy reading, I recommend the book “Can Christianity Cure OCD?” It elaborates more on the experience and theological reflections of the three people I mentioned above. It’s a very good read! Send me a message if I can help you further! 🙂
Hello, Jamie. You're indeed a blessing to people fighting scrupulosity like me. I think that in high school, I once dealt with the religious OCD of blasphemy. My religious OCD pattern however has evolved. I have been a straight A student in high school and have been particularly exceptional in arts. I've always had the dream to be a lawyer. However, just before I wrote my O level exams, a thought purporting to be from God "ordered" me to leave high school immediately and go and preach on some unnamed mountain. I was confused and scared as I had dreams of doing well in my O level exams as everyone expected of me and proceed to college to study Law. The thought however offered no room for bargaining or consideration. I was supposed to just leave high school immediately and go and preach on he mountain or stand the risk of wilfully disobeying God. Some people I confided in told me to ignore the thought and go ahead with my studies as I was a smart student and I'll just be wasting my my time on that kind of "irrelevancy". I tried but the thoughts never seemed to leave my head. I was constantly analysing it to know if it had indeed come from God or not. I was stuck. I've always held God and my education in very high regard and now it was as if I had to choose between them. Fast forward…I finally graduated albeit internal conflict and torment. I got admission into college to study law and a similar " order" has come up. This time it's a thought ordering me to leave college and wait for the next line of action. References to Abraham giving up his only son to God has been one of the biblical stories backing up this purported "order" from God. I'm in my third year in college now and I'm so scared, confused and in constant internal torment. I want to do what God says but I also want to make optimal use of my intellectual "gifts". I just want to be certain that this is what God has commanded me to do. If I'm very certain this us what God wants me to do, I think I'll be ready to let go of my education for now. The reason being that God has always been the propeller of my successes and confidence and I think that if I make light of his order, I'll be left on my own since I wilfully disobeyed him. I just don't know what to do. I'll really appreciate it if you could help me. Thank you.