Did I MEAN to Have That Blasphemous Thought?

Scrupulosity Video Post

Jaimie Eckert

Published on Feb 1, 2023; Updated on Jan 25, 2024

Point of view: you’re a person with religious OCD, just going about your day. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a horrible, blasphemous thought flashes through your mind. Perhaps it is a thought that you want to worship the devil, or that you reject Christ, or a string of vile curse words against God. These thoughts frighten you and send your anxiety spiking through the roof. But worse than the thoughts themselves is the fearful question: did I MEAN to have that blasphemous thought?

Many people in the scrupulosity recovery community are greatly perplexed at this very question. The nature of “intrusive thoughts” is that they are unwanted. However, the nature of obsessive-compulsive disorder is to doubt everything that can be doubted–including our own sincerity. Intrusive thoughts intrude, scare us with their initial presence, then scare us more by making us ask, did I mean to have that blasphemous thought?

No, you didn’t mean to have that blasphemous thought. Nor did you mean to have any of the hundreds of other weird, unruly, unwanted thoughts passing through your OCD mind.

I’d like to share some key ideas that I hope will help you stop asking this question.

What the Bible Says About Intrusive Thoughts

I wish there were overt, descriptive passages in the Bible about obsessive compulsive disorder. I wish someone like doubting Thomas would have written his own epistle to answer questions about doubt and spiritual sincerity. Maybe he would have included a few verses that would help us with our nagging question, “did I mean to have that that blasphemous thought?”

But unfortunately, the Bible isn’t razor-sharp in its specificity about all topics. It gives us big, overarching principles, and then we have to use our God-given intelligence and the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit to apply these principles to everyday problems.

So while there aren’t any verses (that I know of) which speak specifically to the psychological phenomenon of intrusive thoughts, there are still some helpful principles.

overthinking blasphemous thoughts: did I mean to have that blasphemous thought?

Principle 1: God Understands

One of my favorite passages in relation to intrusive thoughts reminds us that God understands.

. . .The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile.

1 Corinthians 3:20

Even the wisest and most spiritual among us will have weird, unhelpful, futile thoughts. And God understands. He knows our words before we speak them, so it makes sense to say that God knows our thoughts even before we think them.

O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know my sitting down and my rising up;
You understand my thought afar off.
You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.
For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

Psalm 139:1-4

Do you think God can understand the difference between a rebellious thought and an intrusive thought? Do you think God, our Great Physician, who understands all maladies of the body and brain, knows why these thoughts pop into your head?

You might be stuck asking “did I mean to have that blasphemous thought,” but God isn’t stuck there. He already knows.

And like any good physician, He’s not blaming the patient. He’s ready to help, heal, and comfort.

Principle 2: Sometimes We Think Things We Don’t Mean

I know many people in the scrupulosity recovery community are nervous to talk about the exorcism passages in the gospels. For some, this nervousness stems from fears of becoming possessed by a demon or fears that they might accidentally pray to Satan. For others, talking about demons being cast out can trigger negative memories of attempted exorcisms that failed to help them.

Yes, there is a surprising number of people with OCD who have loving, well-meaning church pastors who try to cast out the “demon” of OCD from them. I have never yet heard anyone tell me that this worked for them. If you’re someone with OCD who benefited from deliverance ministries, please comment below. I would love to know that there was at least one. But my suspicion is that OCD is not an issue of demon possession; it’s a mental health disorder that needs to be handled kindly and gently, and sufferers should not given any more fear than they are already experiencing.

With that said, I would still like to make a brief observation about one of the Bible’s deliverance stories. You may remember the demoniac in the country of the Gadarenes. This guy was possessed by a whole legion of devils. He was so uncontrollable that he lived among the tombs, cutting himself and crying in torment. No one could bind him, even with chains, and it appears that his friends and family eventually gave up.

But then, Jesus.

The demoniac rushed towards Jesus with the strangest mix of opposing reactions. On the one hand, the Bible says that the demoniac worshipped Him. But the words that came out of his mouth seemed calculated to reject Him.

When he saw Jesus from afar, he ran and worshiped Him. And he cried out with a loud voice and said, “What have I to do with You, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? I implore You by God that You do not torment me.”

Mark 5:6-7

Somewhere, deep in his heart, this man wanted deliverance. He wanted to worship Jesus in freedom. But when he opened his mouth, unwanted words tumbled out.

He wasn’t free.

But if this demon-possessed man uttered words that did not belong to him, isn’t it logical to say that people with mental health disorders can sometimes have thoughts that don’t belong to them? Certainly, the mechanism is different: in the demoniac’s case, his unwanted words were produced by the alien, demonic entities that possessed him. In our case, our unwanted thoughts are produced by the misfiring blips of underperforming brain circuitry. But the effect is the same: words, thoughts, or actions that we don’t want and don’t mean.

overthinking blasphemous thoughts

Once again, Jesus understood. He didn’t get offended or run away. He didn’t frown and tell the man that his words were so rude that he had committed the unpardonable sin. No, Jesus saw through the man’s struggles and glimpsed his heart.

For He said to him, “Come out of the man, unclean spirit!”  Then He asked him, “What is your name?”

And he answered, saying, “My name is Legion; for we are many.” Also he begged Him earnestly that He would not send them out of the country.

Now a large herd of swine was feeding there near the mountains. So all the demons begged Him, saying, “Send us to the swine, that we may enter them.” And at once Jesus gave them permission. Then the unclean spirits went out and entered the swine (there were about two thousand); and the herd ran violently down the steep place into the sea, and drowned in the sea.

So those who fed the swine fled, and they told it in the city and in the country. And they went out to see what it was that had happened. Then they came to Jesus, and saw the one who had been demon-possessed and had the legion, sitting and clothed and in his right mind. And they were afraid.

Mark 5:8-15

Jesus sees you, too, dear reader. He understands exactly where your thoughts are coming from. You may be wilting in self-condemnation and despair, asking every day, “did I mean to have that blasphemous thought?” “Was it really from me, or was it my OCD?” “Did I consent to that thought?” But Jesus isn’t tripped up. He knows that sometimes we think and say things we don’t mean.

Trust His Word. He’s been dealing with people like this demoniac guy long before you came along. He’s not fazed at all. He knows all your thoughts, and He still loves you.

Did I Mean to Have That Blasphemous Thought?

I’d like to share a metaphor that I think can help you with the fear of whether you meant to have that blasphemous thought or not.

Imagine that you’re in the grocery store for your weekly shopping trip. You push your squeaky-wheeled cart from one aisle to the next, checking things off your list.

Eggs. Lettuce. Apples. Oatmeal. Peanut butter.

As you peer through the glass in the frozen goods aisle, hoping to find some frozen strawberries, another shopper stops her cart beside you. Nonchalantly, she surveys the contents of your basket.

“Oh, that’s what I forgot,” she mumbles to herself. Then she reaches into your cart, takes your jar of peanut butter, and walks away.

“Hey!” You call after her, suddenly indignant. “That’s MY PEANUT BUTTER!”

Most of us can imagine how it would feel if other shoppers started taking things out of our cart. But think about it for a moment–is it really your peanut butter? Just because you saw merchandise (which belongs to the store), took it off the shelf (which belongs to the store) and placed it in the cart (which also belongs to the store), is it yours?

It’s not your peanut butter! Location does not equal ownership.

Intentionality behind religious intrusive thoughts

Ownership is established the moment you put your money where it matters. When you take that peanut butter jar to the checkout lane, scan it, pay for it, get a receipt, and walk out of the store–now it belongs to you.

Location does not equal ownership; ownership is established by financially committing to that product.

How This Translates to Our Intrusive Thoughts

Most of the time, people with religious intrusive thoughts make the mistake of thinking that location equals ownership. Just because the thought is locationally “in” their brain, they think it must belong to and originate from them. It’s hardly any different from feeling ownership of a store’s product just because we’ve placed it in our cart.

But our thoughts don’t belong to us unless we commit to them. We’ve got to put the money where it matters. And believe me, if you’re reading this and thinking, “wait, did I agree to the thought? Did I commit to it? Did I mean to have that blasphemous thought in my true, inmost self?” if you have to ask those questions, you didn’t commit to the thought.

By the way, the “location equals ownership” is a psychological principle that is well-known amongst salespeople (I used to work in sales). Putting your product in a person’s hands while you make your pitch translates directly into higher sales. That’s why companies allow you to test-drive and try on products. Once you have it locationally in your possession, it’s so much easier to feel that it actually belongs to you.

But it doesn’t. Not until you make the commitment.

You can have all kinds of thoughts locationally in your head without actually having committed to them. Call those thoughts “temptations,” “intrusive thoughts,” or whatever else you want to call them–they’re not yours.

What Does Commitment to a Thought Look Like?

If there is a difference between the presence of a thought and my commitment to it, we need to talk about what commitment to that thought actually looks like.

I hope to make this as easy for you as possible. Commitment to a thought or idea occurs when:

  1. You make external decisions/actions based on that thought, OR
  2. You make definite plans to act on the thought in the future

As an example, imagine Joe Schmoe the businessman and his gorgeous office secretary, Jane Schmane. Joe is already married, but he keeps getting thoughts about Jane every time they interact. At first, the thoughts bother his conscience, but as time goes on, he starts to deliberately ignore his conscience in order to make flirtatious advances.

what does it look like to "commit" to a thought? intrusive thoughts versus temptation

Joe is acting out his thoughts via his behavior.

Jane accepts Joe’s advances, and soon Joe begins to make plans for how he can have an affair without his wife finding out.

These two criteria indicate that Joe has committed to his adulterous thoughts. He has acted them out, and he is making plans to go deeper into his sin.

Did I Mean to Have That Blasphemous Thought? How to Know

If you’re asking, “did I mean to have that blasphemous thought?” you’re trying to find out whether you’re guilty of the content of that thought.

And I understand. I’ve had some wild thoughts pass through my mind, too. (For the record, I bet Satan also tormented Jesus Himself with unwanted thoughts.)

But here’s the thing: most people with scrupulosity are extremely worried about whether they meant to have their blasphemous thoughts…and yet, people with scrupulosity are the least likely to ever act out those thoughts.

I mean, doesn’t it seem a little odd that you have thoughts about rejecting Christ which really bother you, and yet you keep going to church? You keep praying, agonizingly, for forgiveness? You keep reading your Bible every day, hoping to grow in grace? You keep offering your life to God as an offering?

Doesn’t that seem at least a little different from what you’d expect to see from someone who is genuinely rejecting Christ?

You can probably recognize that your life–bumpy as it may be–is still in an onward, upward trajectory towards heaven and glory. You haven’t given up yet. You keep coming back, with all of your messes and struggles, to kneel at the feet of Jesus.

That counts for something. Indeed, that’s the only thing we can do in this whole plan of salvation. We can show up.

We can’t be justified by our works. We can’t fix our problems. We can’t by any human means save ourselves.

But we can show up, empty-handed, at the foot of the cross. We can come, just as we are, and say, “Lord, nothing in my hand I bring, simply to Thy cross I cling.” He will then “work in us both to will and to do of His good pleasure.”

He’ll take your blasphemous thoughts away. Trust me. It might take a long time as He teaches you new mental health strategies and takes you deeper into new levels of trust, but He’ll do it.

Trust Him.

The Tricky Part

The most difficult part of dealing with religious intrusive thoughts is typically the ragged junction between failure and success. As we begin implementing techniques like response prevention, in which we learn to stop arguing with our intrusive thoughts and just let them leave the brain on their own terms, we’ll often see a change begin to take place. For some people, the intrusive thoughts will show slight signs of reduction right away. For others, the intrusive thoughts will immediately get worse.

The spiritual, conscientious person tends to have layers of worry about response prevention. “If I just let the thoughts be there without responding to them, aren’t I somehow agreeing with them?” They ask.

And I say, no.

Location does not prove ownership. A thought that is present in my brain is not necessarily “my” thought. Unless you’ve made external actions or concrete plans that prove commitment to the thought, they aren’t yours.

victory over blasphemous thoughts through God's power and response prevention

Keep up the good work with response prevention. Don’t be dismayed by thoughts that your fledgling successes might be a sign of spiritual disaster. As you begin to have success through non-response methods, you might get some anxieties about this. But letting the thoughts just “be there” until they exit is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing. Keep it up.

Conclusion

“Did I mean to have that intrusive thought?”

No, I highly doubt it.

You don’t even need to tell me about you, about your situation, or about your specific thoughts. The very fact that you’re worried enough to ask the question is evidence that you just aren’t comfortable with your thoughts.

(It’s kind of a parallel to the truism that “if you’re worried about having committed the unpardonable sin, you haven’t.)

Jesus understands why you have these thoughts and exactly where they come from. You might be worried, but He’s not. Location does not prove ownership. Keep on pressing forward in ignoring the thoughts. Don’t argue with them or try to force them out–this is precisely the worst thing for a person with obsessive-compulsive tendencies to do! Just wait patiently for God and let Him fight your battles for you.

If you’d like to tell us about other strategies that have been helping you deal with unwanted thoughts, please feel free to share in the comments below. I always love the wealth of ideas the readers of this blog share! I hope this has been encouraging to someone. Keep looking up and I know you’ll have progressive victories over your intrusive thoughts.

Best wishes on the journey,

jaimie-eckert-signature
  • I have been dealing with this for a few weeks and it’s been soooo hard!!!! I been so upset so sad and worried so much that God is mad at me for questioning his existence which I never did till now out of no where and my mind keeps on and on struggling thinking I won’t go heaven 🙁 now and that thought is what I really think. I been praying and praying to Jesus to help my unbelief and replace it with faith. To forgive me and help me I wanna go to heaven. 😭 I been worrying and worrying and the thought keeps going and going . I found this and wow I felt like it’s exactly what I’m going Thur and I’m thankful God lead me to read this. I’m still struggling but this help lot!! Thank you!

  • Hi Jamie

    I just came across this article and it is exactly what my Coach said to me last night, so thank you for posting.. My only worry, like others have said, is the times when I fear I have took ownership and chose to say the thoughts to myself in my mind.. like a "im just going to get this overwith a say it" kind of way.. i did this after times of intense intrusive thoughts that just were constant in my mind and I just gave in and thought them, willfully and on purpose.. my worry is that,when I did, I felt something spiritual leave my stomach, which I've assumed was the holyspirit leaving me.. I think I blew it at that moment. I've been in torment with myself ever since and I just can't get peace. I have felt at times that I'm.hardened ti God and dont need him in my life, and I've thought the thoughts then too.. (I think out of habit, these thoughts come back to mind), but I do, like others, just worry I've completely blown it and can't turn back to Jesus. when I've given in and taken ownership of them. I appreciate your article so much, and am trying to get comfort from it, but equally, feel so sure that I blew it on the time I wilfully gave in to the thought and just called the holyspirit a blasphemous name in my head.i definitely felt a sense of the holyspirit leaving my stomach when I did, as I must have really insulted and grieved him. This torment is awful and it has ruined my life. Thank you for reading.

  • Sometimes I feel like I’ve let these thoughts into my head. I keep my defences up and then I lower them to see if my mind will say these things and I feel like I tempt myself into thinking these things and then I get worried if I actually let these thoughts in and if I mean them.

  • Thank you so much for this. I have been struggling with these thoughts for years and I ask myself that question everyday – "do I mean these thoughts". I love that "location doesn't mean ownership" idea because that is so helpful. I put a reminder on my phone with that saying to go off every morning to start my day reminding myself that I can just let the thoughts go and it's okay. It doesn't mean I'm "owning them" it just means I'm letting them hang out until they are ready to leave. Thank you again so so much!

  • I cannot thank you enough, Jaimie! I had a scrupulosity episode about 3 years ago and I thought it was oppression. Our entire family has been dealing with a very traumatic family event and about a month and a half ago I started having the thoughts again. I once again thought it was oppression and was fasting fighting the thoughts and was getting no where. My sister told me about you and your website and it has been life changing. I am so encouraged to have you and a community of people who struggle as well and who I can learn from. I have been using the, “don’t give the Chihuahuas any attention,” method from your video and at first is was scary but I was so used to fighting and combating them. But it has been helping me move past them more quickly than before. Another thing that has also helped me that my sister told me about is making your own mental image after you have a thought. For her it was sweeping the thought out a door and shutting it, for me I picture it as a bubble that I gently toss up and out of sight and then moving on with whatever I’m doing.

    • Sweeping thoughts out the door and shutting it…tossing a bubble up gently…I love it. One of our group coaching members recently shared her metaphor of watching the leaves float down the stream. Everyone gets a unique mental picture, and that’s awesome! For me it was waiting for the thunderstorm to pass without arguing with the sky. 🙂 May God give each of us helpful and creative mental metaphors to help us grow!

  • Thank you for sharing these wonderful insights. You truly helped me tonight! You perfectly addressed challenges I've been struggling to reconcile with.

    Thanks again! God bless you!

  • What if my thoughts lead action when I was too young, only 15. I said out ugly things about the Holy Spirit. When I read a book of Paul Yonghi Choo. He was writing about a person who commited the unpardonable sin and could not return to Jesus. I didn’t have any information about the OCD. The thoughts have been hunting me for a while and I thought if a say out loudly these blashpemous thoughts at least they will disappear. I was wrong and struggling with this problem for 22 years each day.

  • Hi. Do you have any advice on how to combat the belief that an awful thought will lead to action? I tend to suffer from magical thinking, if I think about doing something, it will cause it. The fear becomes so strong and overwhelming. Thank you.

    • Hi Julia,
      Yes, it starts with the awareness you’ve mentioned, being able to recognize that thoughts do not necessarily lead to actions.
      Then, try to experiment with some brain games. Try to imagine really cool things–imagine yourself becoming rich and famous overnight–and when it doesn’t happen, you can try to poke fun at yourself and say, “see? It didn’t work. Why should I worry about the negative magical connections if the positive ones don’t work?” Remember, you’re not as powerful as your thoughts make you seem.

  • So thankful for this article. Jamie you get me.
    Your recovery…your story is encouraging. i know that God allowed to to go through this so that to could help so many others walk the same or similar path. My hope is that someday i won't struggle with this and that i could have an intimate relationship with Jesus without scrupulosity.
    Blasphemous thoughts are debilitating, frightening and can hurl me into despair. It completely robs me of my joy and it feels like it hinders the very intimacy i desire to have with Jesus. Can you please describe how I can just let the thoughts (completely vile and vulgar) be? For me…. Communion is a huge trigger. I want to take it but afraid of the thoughts that will come as I'm taking it (not having my heart ready and examined) and afraid that if i don't take it (action) then I'm not trusting in Jesus for the forgiveness of sins. either way it's a lose lose situation. thank you.

    • Hi Erika,
      I think progress in these lines depends upon our growing ability to see these thoughts as “not real.” The more realness and tangibility we grant them, the more they disturb us and throw us into despair. And I suppose everyone has their own unique way of bringing the mind to a point of accepting that these thoughts aren’t mine and aren’t real. This is part of our own individual, internal process that we each must do. When the thoughts are viewed as “not real,” it’s easy to let them be and not get obsessed with them.
      Not always easy, but doable by God’s grace!
      Jaimie

  • Your blog posts are wonderful as always! You really had me thinking after referencing 1 Corinthians 3:20 because all along throughout my spiritual journey as I'm healing from scrupulosity and other symptoms of OCD, that verse put my mind at ease! Instead of fighting the thoughts like I usually do, it really made me feel like a burden was lifted off. The hard part for me, though, is letting go of control. I'll get these ridiculous thoughts like, "If you let go, something bad will happen." I typically will fall into the trap of believing that thought and then I perform compulsions. Personally, the speed of my thoughts are pretty fast. I think it goes into amygdala hijack for about 5 seconds, but it's the lingering affer-effects that are hard to move past. Practicing mindfulness with the uncomfortable emotions is very hard, but I'm trusting that God will still get me through the uncertainty. I remember reading somewhere, I'm not sure if it was on here or somewhere else, but that one way of letting go of scrupulosity and having faith is moving through the uncertainty. That is a very difficult thing for me to accept because I struggle to tolerate uncertainty. However, I know that God doesn't make mistakes and He always keeps His promises so I'm still trusting that more of His truth will be revealed the more I slowly let go. I've also learned that letting go and moving forward has been a really slow process and that it definitely doesn't happen overnight.

  • Hi Jamie! Thank you for your article! Its very helpful! I've been struggling with having blasphemous thoughts when I'm angry and it truly feels like I mean to have them. I also struggle with sinful anger in general such as getting easily angered or snapping at someone esp after tirelessly fighting these thoughts all day. when I get angry, sometimes it feels like I'm directing it at God and angry, sometimes violent thoughts and words flood my mind either towards or about Him. I'm so worried that I'm doing it on purpose out of anger and I'm almost frozen in fear and condemnation. Is this normal?

    • I am going through the same exact thing! it's ruining my life or whatever is left of it. I feel like living with OCD is making me annoyed irritated and angry. When I get angry at something or someone I automatically get angry at God and have the urge to think something bad about Him or the Holy Spirit. I end up thinking the bad thoughts and it feels like it's coming from me. I absolutely can't stand it. I end up oh my knees begging God for forgiveness afterwards.
      I don't want to live a life like this where I feel so rotten, guilty, and sinful.

      • Yes this is exactly what I'm dealing with as well. it's hard when anger is strong and seems to fuel the bad thoughts which on turn, makes it seem like it's ours.

  • Hey Jaimie,

    Excellent description, illustration, and commentary on blasphemous thoughts for the person struggling with scrupulosity OCD! Also very good advice on how to treat and handle those thoughts. Thank you for being such an advocate for people afflicted with this insidious condition!

    Sincerely,
    Chad

  • Hi Jaimie,

    Needless to say that all of the topics that you post are extremely helpful to those of us who suffer with Scrupulosity. This one, in particular, is right in my "wheelhouse". With all of the experiences that I have suffered and battled through dealing with this affliction, I can truly relate to everything that you have included in your post.

    Not reacting to these intrusive thoughts, especially when they target one of the most important and sacred subjects, namely, our faith, is extremely difficult to do because of the nature of the subject matter. However, that is exactly what needs to be done. By practicing Exposure and Response Prevention, we are successfully starving the obsessions, rather than feeding them. Once that is done consistently over some period of time, they will die. I believe that one necessary component in getting to that stage is to realize and understand, within ourselves, that this is a medical issue, not a spiritual one and that this affliction is not a threat to our salvation. After all, this is OCD, not Religion, that we are attempting to defeat or, at least, manage.

    Stay well Jaimie. You are a gift for all of us!

  • Jamie,

    I appreciate this as I have had the hardest time with my pathological doubt in my OCD. I see the constant doubt as my doubt and I am doubting God and His Word. If I knew the doubt wasn’t my doubt, I would have an easier time ignoring it. I do take medication and when I am on medication, the doubts seem to disappear which is weird. Thank you for all your encouragement in your writings and work.

  • Over the decades of this struggle, I've continue to pursue discernment in hearing the Holy Spirit. Keep reading the Word and wait on the Lord, more than the watchman for the morning (Psalm 130:6). He is faithful. He truly will not let anyone snatch you out of His hands. I've cried in agony over these thoughts, and I've heard a still small voice remind me of God's Word. On top of that, that Word would be affirmed in another way. Keep going, dear pilgrims. You are not alone. Thank you, Jamie! I've often felt triggered whenever I see an email from this website, but I decide to get comfortable with being uncomfortable, yet each time I do read a post, I am encouraged to keep trusting the process of healing and most of all trust in His infinite love for me. In turn, my heart hurts and prays for those in the same situation. Thank you for your ministry.

    • Thank you for sharing your encouragement! Maybe the next time I send out an email to let you guys know about a new blog post, I should title it, “Please don’t be triggered!” 😜 but you’re right, getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is a great mindset to have when working on overcoming anxiety of any kind. Keep going, I know you’ll do well!

  • Jaimie, it's the grace of God I found your website, I cannot believe how well you understand my exact issues with intrusive thoughts!! These thoughts are torture and I felt so broken and alone and like I was the only one who had these thoughts! It also really helps to see other people comment and know I'm not the only one. Your article today gives me such peace and especially the reminder that God knows our thoughts better than we do. What you said today really brought me comfort and hope, and just knowing that someone else on this planet understands all this craziness in my mind is comforting in itself. God bless you Jaimie, I have hope about this stuff now, thank you!!

  • Hello Jaimie. Thank you for everything you are posting. It helps. I struggle with bad thoughts about the Holy Spirit. And at one time the thought about Him went through my mind and i loudly said Yes He is… (its a bad thing about Him) And i felt like i meant it. And i just thought now i have done it. I said that and i felt like i meant it. I asked God to forgive me. And i try not to do so again. But i feel like im defeated. There is nothing left in me. Will God forgive me for this? I try my best not to respond or fret or obsess… But then i feel i have given in and i agree with the bad thoughts, by doing nothing…
    Is there still hope for me? Can I go back to Jesus? Because I have stopped praying and stopped Bible reading. Im just really sure that God cut me off. Im done. Im not made to go to heaven.

    thank you for your time.

  • I eventually said the thought in my heart.

    I had been going through the thought to know whether I actually said it. I wanted to prove to myself that I could not have said it in my heart. that it was not possible. The only way for me to do this was to try to say those blasphemous words half way, but still in my thoughts. I at a point said it completely. And all these in my thoughts not with my mouth…

    • Yes, sometimes our OBSESSION with the intrusive thought becomes some overpowering that we are compelled to say the words just to “get it over with.” If you are like most others with scrupulosity, my guess is that you said the words after a very long, protracted period of wrestling and fighting with the unwanted thought. After saying it, perhaps, like others, you experienced a momentary sense of “relief” as the thought left you, followed by an immediate negative reaction–usually it’s either extreme guilt or a feeling of emotional void, like everything just shuts down. Most people interpret this to mean something spiritually disastrous but I take it as the aftereffects of spiritual burnout.

      Whatever you’ve experienced, my point is that plenty of others have had the same thing. Even saying a blasphemous thought in your heart or your mouth, after a long and torturous period of struggling with it, does not count as commitment. It’s more like saying a falsehood when you’ve got a gun held to your head. I do believe God understands.

  • Your blog really spoke to me and I’m sure for others as well. I’m going to let God fight my battles. Thanks you for your ministry. Praise God for your help.

  • Jamie, I don't know you personally but I love you. I honestly love how you share your heart with us. Your messages always come at the right time. I could be wrong but I think whether you did or did not allow a blasphemous thought, at the end of the day, it's just a thought. Just because we think something doesn't mean we believe it, agree with it, or like it. We use our minds to think, analyze, process, vent, problem solve, etc. Sometimes what we're thinking isn't always appropriate, that's why we keep it in our minds instead of physically act it out. Eventually our thoughts will change and the bad we were thinking will change for the better.
    We're not always sure what's triggering our thinking process. I'm also starting to think that when we received our salvation we had to Believe in our hearts and Confess with our mouths. We didn't receive salvation because we had a good thought, so I'm guessing we can't lose salvation because we had a bad thought. It's hard to believe that everyone is one blasphemous thought away from eternal damnation. Sometimes we have moments of stinking thinking that we can find ourselves stuck in but it doesn't mean that thinking is our new way of believing. I love when someone mentioned, "You Are Not Your Thoughts." I feel like we put too much emphases on thoughts. I also heard someone say, you'll never be able to remove your thoughts. Thoughts only add and multiply but never subtract. Throughout our lives blasphemous thoughts will pop up like an old memory. We need to take away it's power by realizing it's just a thought.
    If in your mind you think I'm going to kill that dog but don't actually kill that dog, then I look at as just a thought. If you think bad things about the person who cut you off in traffic, that doesn't necessarily mean that's how you truly feel about that person. You're just venting frustration in your mind but would never dare confront the driver. Again, I could be wrong, I'm just beginning to see that at the end of the day they're just thoughts. If you give it no power over you, eventually you'll move on and start thinking about something else.

    • Krys, I love this! You’ve said it so well there isn’t anything I can add. I would peg your comment to the top if I could. 😉 So glad to have you here in our little online community, you bring such good insights!

  • Hi Jamie – this is very reassuring, but some of us get bothered by random ‘promises’ to God popping into our heads (the ‘promise’ being to do something extreme but not sinful in return for something) and the fear that these are somehow ‘meant’ and binding. Perhaps you can do an article on this subject some time?

    • Hi Therese,
      I’ve talked to people with OCD who dream all kinds of weird and scary things. Hallucination is a different situation and is not generally considered part of OCD. If you have visual or auditory hallucinations, you would want to check in with your psychologist to get that taken care of. Intrusive thoughts (including those of a demonic nature) are not visual or auditory in nature.
      Hope this helps,
      Jaimie

  • It's always a blessing to be a part of this blog and everyone that participates in it, especially you Jaime! I know that the progress I've made since discovering this avenue that God has given us through you to allow us to defeat and victor over this plaguing disorder has given, not only me, but everyone here hope at living free and at peace with ourselves! Thank you so much! The journey continues until God has accomplished His will within us, and I believe that is exactly what He is doing with everyone dealing with this. The psalmist says so in Psalms 119. God bless all!!

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