Have you ever found yourself making deals with God?
Maybe you’ve ruminated over one of these catastrophes:
- What if something bad happens?
- What if someone I love dies?
- What if…?
Your imagination runs wild as the anxiety oppresses you. In an attempt to stop the spiral of negative possibilities, you find yourself bargaining, “God, if you _______, I promise I will _________.”
Does this scenario sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone!
Andy* had an exciting camping trip coming up. But he had this nagging feeling that something bad might happen if he went. While watching sports on TV one evening, he made a decision, “God, if Barcelona wins, then I’ll take it as a sign that something bad will happen, and I won’t go on the trip.” Barcelona won. Andy missed out on a successful and uneventful camping trip.
Suzie* made a vow to God many years ago that she was never going to read certain books, particularly some that she enjoyed. Even today, she still finds herself worrying that she might accidentally read one she wasn’t supposed to because of her vow. She lives with debilitating apprehension.
These stories are classic examples of making deals with God—a very common symptom of scrupulosity. If you have found yourself thinking similar thoughts, you are probably struggling with scrupulosity, also known as religious OCD.
So is it wrong to make deals with God, to bargain with Him, to make vows? How do you know if your vows are compulsive? In this article, we will explore:
- Why we make deals with God, and why yours might be scrupulous
- What the Bible says about vows
- Whether it’s a sin to break a compulsive deal you made with God
Getting to the Core: Why We Make Deals with God
Let’s get to the root of the issue. Why do we feel the compulsion to make deals with God?
Those of us with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) typically struggle with uncontrollable thoughts related to anxiety. In our attempts to gain control, we engage in repetitive behaviors or make compulsive decisions.
When we struggle with religious OCD, our compulsive actions are a means of managing spiritual anxiety. Sometimes, these compulsions are not biblical at all. At others times, they are partially biblical but taken to an unhealthy extreme.
The making of vows does have a precedent in the Bible, but the types of vows we make often have no foundation whatsoever.
For example, you suddenly get the awful impression that your grandma is going to die. If she does, you believe that her death will be your fault. So you pray, “Oh, God, I’ll never eat pasta again if You keep Grandma from dying.” In addition to taking on an inflated sense of responsibility, you have created a very subjective vow to do something the Bible doesn’t speak of (ditch pasta). But because that idea surfaced naturally, you believe it’s from God.
The vows can vary from performing religious behaviors (prayer, fasting, Bible study) to the giving up certain everyday pleasures like food, television, or hobbies. Regardless of how good they are on the surface, they are all inappropriate because they are based on a fallacy of control—a type of thought distortion.
Of the two types of control fallacies, the one that underlies deal making, is a sense of internal control over everything, even things actually outside of one’s sphere. People who make deals with God believe that the only way to feel comfortable and secure is to be in control.
What is the purpose of asserting this type of control?
To Prevent Harm
Many of my clients share with me that they have made obsessive-compulsive deals out of fear that harm might come to themselves or to others. Vowing to do something in exchange for God’s protection was their way of attempting to soothe their concerns.
A mother who is waiting for her teenage son to return home may begin to worry when he is late. As catastrophic possibilities spiral out of control in her mind, she prays, “If You bring my son home safely, I promise You that I will never smoke another cigarette.”
Sounds great, right?
Um, not so fast! The problem is that the mother was using her relationship with God to get what she wanted and to provide herself with a sense of control.
To Ensure Salvation
Second, scrupulous individuals make deals with God to obtain assurance that they will be saved. This kind of thinking especially blurs the line between appropriate and inappropriate vows because it takes a genuine desire to be saved and turns it into a fear-filled response to God.
To Reduce Anxiety
The sense of control that comes from deal making may ease anxiety—but only temporarily. Months later, after vowing to give up certain enjoyments, we often feel resentful. This is only natural, because we are missing out on things we enjoy and we’re holding ourselves to a higher standard than everyone else around us.
But the worst part of it all is that we still feel anxious!
Making deals with God ends up being not only burdensome but also ineffective.
Is It Biblical to Make Deals with God?
At this point, you’re thinking, Well, I’ve made a deal with God, and the Bible says I shouldn’t break it.
You may have had this verse in mind:
When you make a vow to the Lord your God, you shall not delay to pay it; for the Lord your God will surely require it of you, and it would be sin to you.
Deuteronomy 23:21
Another one praises the one who “swears to his own hurt and does not change” (Psalm 15:4).
People use these verses to justify the deals they make with God. They think, If I don’t follow through with my vow, no matter how scrupulous it may be, I’ll be sinning, and something bad will happen to me.
But let’s take a closer look at what the Bible actually says.
God Does Respond to Our Vows
While fleeing for his life, Jacob found himself sleeping on the ground with only a rock for a pillow. After God granted him a special dream of assurance, he made a vow to God:
If God will be with me, and keep me in this way that I am going, and give me bread to eat and clothing to put on, so that I come back to my father’s house in peace, then the Lord shall be my God. And this stone which I have set as a pillar shall be God’s house, and of all that You give me I will surely give a tenth to You.
Genesis 28:20-22
Years later, God reminded him of that promise:
I am the God of Bethel, where you anointed the pillar and where you made a vow to Me.
Genesis 31:13
Jacob’s experience shows us that God does honor and respond to the vows we make. Clearly, then, not all vows to Him are wrong.
Biblical Vows Are Relational, Not Transactional
Earlier in this post, we looked at the motivations underlying scrupulous deal-making: anxiety and a need to be in control. When you promise God something, you are looking for Him to do something in exchange for your vow. In other words, scrupulous deal making is transactional, like putting money into a vending machine and getting a soda in return.
In looking at Biblical vows, we find a different motivation.
Those who made the Nazirite vow, for example, were not looking to prevent harm, ensure salvation, or reduce anxiety. Instead, they were separating themselves as “holy to the Lord” (Numbers 6:8) for a specific amount of time in order to draw closer to God. The focus was relational—on dedicating one’s time and being to God.
“But what about Hannah?” you interject.
Hannah made a vow to God that she would dedicate her child to God’s service if she conceived (1 Samuel 1:11). Again, she had a very different purpose than those with scrupulosity have.
Some Vows Are Inappropriate
God clearly disapproves of some kinds of vows.
For example, He made it clear that the vows the Israelites made to the “queen of heaven” were absolutely unacceptable to Him (Jeremiah 44:17, 22).
Some of the vows we make today could be equally inappropriate in God’s eyes. Keep reading to find out how we can tell the difference between appropriate and inappropriate vows.
Our Vows Impact Others
Numbers chapter 30 presents an interesting scenario: A woman in the ancient east who made a vow could be freed from that vow if her father or husband nullified it.
If a woman makes a vow to the Lord, and binds herself by some agreement while in her father’s house in her youth, and her father hears her vow and the agreement by which she has bound herself, and her father holds his peace, then all her vows shall stand, and every agreement with which she has bound herself shall stand. But if her father overrules her on the day that he hears, then none of her vows nor her agreements by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the Lord will release her, because her father overruled her.
Numbers 30:3-5
The passage continues with the same line of reasoning if the woman were married.
Without getting into issues of gender hierarchy, I want to pull out a couple of principles that relate to our discussion.
For one, a vow can be nullified by others. The passage made it clear that if one of her family members overruled her vow, the woman would be forgiven (Numbers 30:8, 12).
Second, our vows impact those around us, whether positively or negatively. When making vows, we should consider their effect on our sphere of influence.
In fact, Jesus had some strong words for religious leaders who hurt others by their vows. These Pharisee had gone so far as to leave their parents in poverty to uphold their vows to God.
He said to them, “All too well you reject the commandment of God, that you may keep your tradition. For Moses said, ‘Honor your father and your mother’; and, ‘He who curses father or mother, let him be put to death.’ But you say, ‘If a man says to his father or mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban”—’ (that is, a gift to God), then you no longer let him do anything for his father or his mother, making the word of God of no effect through your tradition which you have handed down.”
Mark 7:9-13
Jesus’ rebuke came in the context of clarifying the true spirit of the law. In His famous Sermon on the Mount, He deepened the meaning of the law to reveal its spirit of love to God and love to mankind.
The religious leaders had justified the neglect of their parents to keep a vow to God, but Jesus made it clear that true belief in God and a genuine love toward mankind must be the lens through which we determine whether our vows are appropriate or not.
Even so, we have to exercise discernment in each situation. At times, following Jesus may be hurtful to others who don’t agree with our decision, but we should still obey because we know that God has explicitly called us to do so in His Word.
The key word there is explicitly. God’s expectations for us in His Word are explicit and clear. On the other hand, scrupulous vows complicate God’s will in ways He has not required.
To summarize, scrupulous vows will involve at least one of the following:
- Doing what God has not explicitly asked us to do in His Word
- Causing others to suffer
So what do we do with the OCD vows we’ve already made that are hurting or annoying the people around us? Is it a sin to break them?
What If I’ve Already Made a Deal with God?
I can’t tell you whether your vow is appropriate or not. Your experience is unique to you, and your vows will require personal evaluation.
But I want to offer you some hope! If you find that the deals you made were indeed driven by your spiritual OCD—that is, they were motivated by the need to prevent harm, ensure salvation, or reduce anxiety—then you can breathe a sigh of relief! It’s okay to negate those deals with God!
When Psalm 15:4 speaks of those who swear to their own hurt and don’t change, it’s speaking about people who have chosen to keep their vows despite the inconvenience it might cause them. But—and that’s a big but—it’s referring to vows that were based on biblical principles. God will not condemn you for breaking a vow that was built on a shaky foundation to begin with.
Conclusion
Making deals with God is a common symptom of the scrupulous who are attempting to gain control over intrusive thoughts. They make vows with unhealthy motives—to prevent harm, ensure salvation, or reduce anxiety.
But not all vows are wrong.
Your motivation is key in determining whether your vow is scrupulous: Are you making a transactional vow in order to control your anxiety or a relational vow to draw closer to God?
Vows that honor God will be in harmony with the big picture of love toward Him and all mankind.
Even so, we will still uncover some tricky gray areas. Consider a couple of characters who made deals with God: Samson and Jephthah.
Samson’s Nazirite vow was admirable, but he broke it by cutting his hair.
Jephthah made a rash vow that impacted his daughter negatively.
Even so, both men are in the Bible’s hall of faith (Hebrews 11:32)!
It seems that the issue of making deals with God may not be as black and white as we would like it to be.
But here’s what I do know. Scrupulosity’s anxiety is a not a secure place from which to make vows. I encourage you to do whatever you need to do to heal from religious OCD. Until that healing takes place in your life, your vows will continue to stem from a hasty, anxiety-driven desire for control, instead of a relational desire to draw closer to God.
I’m giving you permission to let go of that inappropriate deal you’ve made with God. It’s completely okay! That vow was not from your heart. It came from your OCD.
And even if it really is a vow God wants from you, He is big enough to bring it back around to you and convince you to do it from a healthier place. After all, He knows your heart and who you really are.
So for now—give it up. Say goodbye to making scrupulous deals with God and experience the freedom He longs for you to have!
Drop me a line below — what kinds of deals have you made with God? Were they good ones or scrupulous ones?
Best wishes on the journey!
I am in an amazing chirch with people I love but I have always feared God and what He thought of me.. trying to please Him (and probably people as well)… ever since I came to this church that to me is like a family, I have been terrified of having to leave church again by His "random" will…
Since a few months/year, I have been talking more to people I really love in church, experiencing them as a real family… However.. Ever since a few weeks suddenly intruisive horrible thoughts about those people came up in my mind that are so unlike me… I am terrified of them… People have tried to calm me down by saying that if I do not want the thoughts, they are not me, but this only helped me for a few minutes… Now I am terrified that God will take these people "out of my life" or He will "take me away from church" out of His deep concern for others, eventhough I would never harm others (the OCD is harm related…) and I am so terrified to read His Word because I keep reading warnings… I really do not want Him to take the people I love most (and have been starting to get to know better) away from me.. I would be devastated if I"d lose them.. and I am afraid God views this as an idol and wants to take the distraction away from me…
Aww I’m so sorry to hear how you’ve been struggling. That must be tough. OCD always likes to throw intrusive thoughts against our most beloved and valued people or concepts in life. I know it’s not easy at all, but moving forward out of this pit of fear will probably involve ignoring the thoughts and learning to let them go. It’s so hard, but it’s doable! Eventually, once you get really well practiced with ignoring the thoughts, they won’t bother you so much anymore. Don’t worry, you aren’t going to harm anyone, these are just random thoughts generated by an anxious mind…God is in control and He’s got you!
Hi I suffer with OCD and I used to punish my self with fasting when i felt guilty about things I may have done that was wrong? One of the deals I made with god is that I wouldn't punish my self and if I did I wouldn't drink Alcohol any more. But the OCD was stronger than the vow and I haven't had a drink for years now but I miss it because I like to go out with friends and I would like to have a drink but I feel God will punish me. I wish I never made the vow but it was at a time when I was very unwell with OCD. I am a christian and my priest annulled it and I even went Bet din and had it annulled by 3 Jewish lay Men and I still find it hard to let go of the vow?
Hello,
Thank you for your article on this subject as this has helped me greatly.
Could you clarify how vows are compulsive? I’m having some trouble with understanding this because from what I’ve read compulsive mean doing something repetitively and vows don’t seem to be that way when it’s to relieve from anxiety, ensure salvation, and made as a transaction.
Thank you and I look forward to your response!
Hi Jacob,
Vows can be a healthy part of our spiritual lives, or they can be compulsive. Compulsive vows are repetitive in the sense that I see people with scrupulosity making vows all the time, for everything, and feeling forced into it by their negative emotions. When it gets really bad, I’m talking several vows per hour (and I won’t even mention how weird these vows typically are). This is a far cry from the Biblical experience of vows which was a relatively rare experience throughout the life and was entered into with great care and sober thought.
I will say, though, that there are some people with OCD who have made a few vows that don’t seem to be super repetitive as described above. But yet these vows are at some level confusing, fear-based, and biblically unfounded. These people have only a few or even just ONE vow but they can’t let go of it, despite it feeling spiritually wrong. In these cases, I would classify it more as an obsession rather than a compulsion because of the amount of fixating that goes into it.
Hope this helps!
Jaimie
Thank you for your response! This does seem to help! Just to clarify a little more – compulsions are ones where people typically make a lot at once but sometimes someone might only make one that was still the result of a scrupulous vow and then developes an obsession of it to where they can’t let go of it?
It’s me again! Following off with my previous reply – if someone with OCD makes a vow that is transactional and is made to prevent harm but is one that as you mentioned is only one and isn’t made multiple times. Would this kind be not binding as well like the ones mentioned in your article?
Thank you again for your time. It means a lot and helps tremendously!
Hey!! Thank you so much for this article it has been a huge help for me and my anxiety. I analyze things over and over because this topic is something that bothers me a lot. Anyways could you clarify what you mean by compulsively make a promise? It helps a lot how you list the three motives to know whether or not it is compulsive, however, the definition of compulsive reads “irresistibly” how do I know if a previous “vow” was irresistibly or not? I’ve always struggled with anxiety as long as I can remember and what I believe has been scrupulousity and adhd. When I was really young in either middle school or at latest 9th grade I was afraid I would be called to be a missionary over seas and be killed so I said if You don’t call me to be a missionary over seas I promise I’ll do _(a certain career)_ for a living. ! Now I really regret this but am so scared I’m bound to this. I remember when I had said this I had said it like three times and remember pausing and thinking what if this is something I don’t want to do when I grow up but I just thought it doesn’t matter because I won’t be called to be overseas and die for my faith. Can you please provide clarification on that? And does it make it voluntary that I had said it multiple times and even had that doubt about doing so but then did it again? Thank you so much in advance for your answer and I look forward to hearing back from you!!
I had one such ‘vow’ pop into my head this morning. I have anxiety and depression that is very much worse in the morning, which has been keeping me from church, though not from God. The thought that popped into my head was ‘help me get to church again and I’ll never have another dog’. I have two dogs, I love them dearly, I can’t envisage a future without dogs. I know this is stupid, I should want God’s healing so I can respond to Him appropriately, and for it’s own sake and He doesn’t need me to bargain. However, I still have the nagging fear that this is somehow binding and if I set foot in church again I can never have another dog. Even writing this I recognise how crazy that is, what kind of god would want that kind of bargain. I confessed it immediately as inappropriate and asked for healing
Good move, Janette, to recognize it as inappropriate and ask for healing. These kinds of vows are very OCD-based and not sourced in any Scriptural instructions. The fact that you can recognize these anxious vows as inappropriate or, as you said, a bit “crazy” is evidence that you’re already experiencing healing. It’s so sad, but I speak with some people who aren’t able to recognize that these kinds of things are bizarre. So, good work! Keep looking up and trusting God to help you! (And so nice that you have two dogs; they are good for helping with anxiety!)
Thank you so much for replying. It’s one thing recognising that these thoughts are not ‘real’ but another actually believing it when it happens. My other recurrent OCD thought is to curse things and I ask Him for the strength of mind to have the assurance that it wasn’t intentional and that the object I was using or thing I was thinking about isn’t somehow tainted because of my thoughts
Hi I am glad I found this blog. I am still blaming myself though. I have terrible OCD and I have for decades it is thought processes and mostly I just get obsessed about a person in a romantic way and cant stop thinking about them. Its a pattern my whole life. I have poor mental health. I also have been obsessed over a theme I am interested in where I save everything I can on it to my computer. My Mum was a frail disabled person and I would spend time looking at a guys posts and finding memes for him to read. I was messing on my tablet next to my mum and not giving her my full attention. I didn't give exclusive time and thought to her but I had moved in with her. My Mum took ill and was dying and I prayed like never before. I had a thought I said If you save Mum I will not waste my time or energy or think of him again. My prayers were answered Mum came back from the brink of death. A complete miracle. Doctors said as much. I stuck with it two months and I was all but over him realizing he was no good. After a bit I fell back into my crush and I wrote memes on twitter for him again and had feelings for him again. When Mum was ill I realized he was no good and she was the only importance. But when she was well I got romantic again. In fact one day I was really late to see my Mum because I was doing memes when I got there the home she had been sent to for more recuperation had the window wide open right over her howling cold wind on her for 7 hours on a freezing late November day and I had not been there due to my OCD over the stupid guy. The window was right next to her face. It was electrical with controls outside the room. She couldn't walk even if regular window she might not have been able to close it. She had dementia and didn't speak her wants or even understand or have access to the buzzer. She was crying and I was to see her in that state. she said 'I will catch pneumonia'. 3 days later she took ill with pneumonia and ten days later she died. I feel I might have made her die. I feel so guilty I loved my Mum she was the world. I keep thinking of her in distress over the window and me not being there for her. I keep thinking I broke that vow to God and now she has died. God had spared her life after all. Although I did thank God.
Hi Sam,
I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a parent is never easy, but it must be even worse when the loss feels embroiled in a complicated web of regrets and obsessions. If you’ve read through the above article, I think you will understand what I mean when I say that God doesn’t punish other people for our struggles. It would be an incorrect interpretation to say that “God let my mum die because I didn’t keep my promises.” Ezekiel 18:20 makes it very clear that people do not die for other’s shortcomings. But my second thought in regards to your experience is that it sounds like your struggle is with mental health more than spiritual health. Of course, both are connected, but obsessional thought tends to be something that requires care and therapy to overcome. It’s not something we can easily pray away or promise God we’ll stop “cold turkey,” any more than a guy with a broken leg can promise God he’s going to run a marathon. I would advise prioritizing your mental health and I think you will see your relationship with God fall into place as you make steps to get healthier.
Kindest regards,
Jaimie
I said something to God that I will be fasting from phone entertainment except if it needed for school or someting so important, and also fasting in drawing and writing and because of fear that I didn't say something I enjoy that I will be fasting for I said that I will be fasting for ANY ENTERTAINMENT and now I'm afraid to enjoy something because I search for the meaning of entertainment and it said something you enjoy. I'm afraid that I will be enjoying Bible study because I will be breaking the fast, including in playing the piano (I'm part of the music ministry) and thinking not to attend church service because I will be enjoying it, and family gathering, swimming, and birthday's.
Help.
Good afternoon!
I have a big problem with religious OCD. My OCD is that I make vows or promises to God to do something. I have already overcome many of them. But now I am very worried about the vows and promises that I made in the church. For example, that I should mostly fast, not drink during fasting, and I must definitely take communion once a year. And go to church in autumn and spring. If I am late for the beginning of the service, then it is, as it were, not considered and I need to come to it again. I have been doing this for 15 years. And it has become a ritual. I would not want to fulfill it, but I am very scared, since these oaths and vows were given precisely in the church and that is why I cannot break them. I really want to be free, these obligations bind me, but I have been fulfilling them for more than 15 years, because I am very afraid that if I do not fulfill them, God will punish me (me or my loved ones will get sick or I will never be able to succeed at work or never can't make money). But at the same time, I clearly understand that if it were not for my oaths and promises (which I made in the church), I would not want to fulfill them. I do not know what to do. I want to be free, but I cannot free myself because these oaths and promises were given to God in the name of the church.
Hi Jamie I went through a period of time when I would have certain intrusive thoughts or what I thought were convictions that God was asking me to do certain things or give up certain things. I have seen now that a lot of those things were either not from God at all or if there was some conviction, I took it way too far. I answered out of anxiety with saying "I wont do this, or I will do this." I did speak directly to God but I feel since I answered out of guilt or response to what I thought God was telling me to do, I made a commitment that I need to keep. Some of those include
– not eating foods with garlic or onion the night before I work because I am a dental assistant and work in people's mouths. This includes foods that don't even taste like garlic but just as long it includes it in the ingredient list
– only wearing the least attractive outfits in my closet
– not getting on blogs or social media
– only having white walls in my room,
– only have 1 dessert a day
– only having 1 drink( a cup of coffee, tea, juice) other that water in a day
– not doing my hair a certain way at work
– not doing certain exercises, running, squats, biking
– not watching a movie or reading books that glorify a sin, have bad language
– only missing 1 Sunday from my church (outside of being sick), I can use that 1 Sunday for either vacation or another occasion that I choose. Even if it means missing family events
– not getting a massage because the therapist could hurt my back
– not taking medication to help with anxiety
– doing my bible study 1st thing in the morning, in my room, for an hour
I have had several Biblically sound leaders in my life tell me that God would not want me to walk in false-hood now that I know those urges were not from Him, and that God is a forgiving God, and that I have interpreted the let your yes be yes passage incorrectly. I have used the passages of scripture you mentioned in your article to prove why I need to keep them. I still struggle finding freedom from these things. They cause me anxiety and I have anger about having to keep them. I think these are silly things, God tells me not to fall into severity of the body, and that removing certain things does not stop the indulgence of my flesh, or for freedom He has set me free, but then I doubt that it is ok for me to move forward. I think of the passage in Ecclesiastes that says not to be rash with your words. This has caused tension between my family and I and has I feel embarrassed about having to keep them. I question is God convicting me to keep these just out of joy.
I made a deal with God while in the ER after a car accident. I told him I would never again eat chocolate if I could just not have internal bleeding and live on. It is hard to keep this from my mother and sister who do not know the extent of my OCD or that I have it at all. My husband is aware of it and wishes I would stop making "deals with God". I feel like this is probably a Religious OCD vow I should break. It still feels so scary to think about breaking it. I am lost as to who would be the best therapist to see over my OCD. It centers around God more than anything.
Hi Bree,
I would read Numbers 6 about the Nazarite vows. There were some people in OT times that would take vows relating to food and hygiene restrictions (they could eat nothing containing grape products and could not cut their hair). These vows were for an allotted time period, not “forever.” Keeping in mind that some of Scripture’s most rash vows were made by men under the pressure and stress of wartime (I’m thinking about Saul’s vow to kill Jonathan and Jephthah’s vow to sacrifice his daughter), a vow made while in the ER was probably not something you thought through from a very deep theological point. It would make me wonder what God thinks about it, and whether He views it as binding as you view it.
If you feel strongly about wanting to keep the vow, I would do like the Nazarites and put a time period to your vow. Then, when that time period is over, bring an offering to the Lord (i.e. donate a special freewill offering to your church or a mission project). In Numbers 6, this signified the end of the avowal period, after which the person could cut his hair and eat grape products again.
Just an idea. I think making a “forever” vow whilst in the ER is probably different from a serious vow one might make when in a more emotionally stable place.
Jaimie
I remember feeling compulsive urges to confess that one of my favorite Christian singers did “something bad” and I was worried if I confessed it, my family would take away the music. Or if I didn’t confess it, I was keeping secrets and shouldn’t like the music because she may be an evil person. It was probably approval seeking but also fear of losing something and it tortured me so much that I ended up making a vow to do it so I could have Gods presence back. I did feel better for a while but then left with the nagging effects that were replaced with stronger guilts and so on. I eventually was given the grace to talk about it to my dad one night and even though I felt better, the need to confess something else popped up and Radom thoughts about not confessing right popped up again.
It’s like I know it’s of the evil one about this thing but I can’t accept that God is SO GOOD to release me from a burden. Maybe we deep down believe lies that God is cruel. Idk where it comes from because even my parents release me from burdens. 🙁
God rescue us from our doubts
Years ago I was tormented with the thought that God wanted me to go stand on the corner I grew up on and start preaching. I was so troubled by it and remember after much agony I believe I said something in my mind one day like, "When I become a Pastor I will do it." Well I became an assistant Pastor and, I believe at that time I said something like, "When I become a Pastor I will do such and such." Well I became a Pastor and what do you know, utter torment! I have had sleepless nights, but thanks be to the Lord I have gotten better over time, however it comes up again and I become anxious and overwhelmed. I have a nagging feeling often that God is not pleased with me. The crazy thing is I am very involved with the church I pastor and we are very evangelistic, but I am always frequently reminded of my VOW. Following the guilt of not doing it is followed by the guilt that I must be embarrassed of God and that's why I am not doing the street corner preaching in my old neighborhood. Rationally I know this is not true because my old friends and neighbors all know I am a Christian and some have even heard me preach in church or at funerals. I have been a Christian witness by God's grace. My conundrum is if I give in I have given in to Scrupulosity again, if I don't God is upset with me or for not keeping my vow. I have given in to other OCD things in the past and after the fact realize I was motivated by fear and they were foolish to give into. Some were so obvious, but at the time I did not see it. With this particular thought there is relief, but even in those times it seems to be in the back of my mind. Others around me see a man of God who is passionate about souls, is an evangelist at heart, and who loves God. I can preach to others about Jesus and His mercy, but in this case I am coming up short. This particular issue is about 17 yrs old 🙁
Just came across your article about vowsundefineddeals with God. Thank you for the thorough approach. My ocd has focused on this theme from my teenage years when I read the story of Jephthah and developed a complex system of mental and spoken rituals around makingundefinedavoiding makingundefinedcancelling rash vows. I'm in my 50s now! Yours is the first article I've seen which addresses this theme, and with such thoughtful detail.
Right – the OCD can sometimes be triggered by a confusing passage or doctrinal misunderstanding that makes our mind connect the idea of “danger” either with God or with our own selves. The story of Jephthah is one of the more difficult passages in Scripture, no doubt, and I can understand why you might develop an obsessive response to vows based on the story.
There are two different scholarly views about the story — one being that Jephthah did indeed sacrifice his daughter (i.e. actual death) and the other being that Jephthah sacrificed her by dedicating her to service in the sanctuary for the rest of her life. Whatever view you take, I think it is important to note that Jephthah made this vow AFTER already having evidence of God’s presence and blessing. Go back and read the story, and notice the sequence. He’s going out to fight the enemies and then the Spirit of the Lord came upon him (which is a phrase used often in the Bible to denote God’s supernatural support of a person). THEN Jephthah makes the rash vow. He obviously makes the vow in an attempt to keep what he already has — God’s blessing. My view is that there was a significant connection between Jephthah’s dysfunctional upbringing/rejection issues and his relationship with God. The pattern played out with his family (particularly his half-siblings) almost certainly carried over to his spiritual experience. God’s blessing is not something he can count on, it is something he must manipulate in order to keep — hence, the vow.
For people with scrupulosity who make these kinds of vows, I recommend thinking through the possibility that painful, unhealed patterns from your past may feed into an unhealthy view of God. Fear of rejection, patterns of unpredictability in relationships, or traumatic relational loss can lead us to this attempt at trying to manipulate the relationship in our favor. The healthier path is to do the hard work of going deep for healing so that we can relate to God from a heart of trust rather than trauma.
Ultimately, it’s important to remember that Jephthah is still listed in Hebrew 11’s Hall of Faith. God recognizes that we are all at different stages in our spiritual journey, and He accepts us at every stage of growth. It is my belief that Jephthah’s vow was entirely inappropriate, rash, and an outworking of his own works-based experience. But yet, God counted him faithful. God understood the reasons that Jephthah felt compelled to make this promise, that he was bound by his own limiting beliefs and patterns, and that he was doing the best he could under the circumstances. Remember that wherever you are in your journey with God (and with scrupulosity) God puts the most positive mental construct on you. He understands exactly how you got to where you are today, and He loves you. Take courage from Jephthah’s story in knowing that even if you’ve spent many years making rash vows with God, He will still count you as faithful. But now is the time to move on and learn to develop a less anxiety-based form of relating to His blessings.
Jaimie, as usual your article was excellent. This one, for me at least, was spot on.
I did mention in one of your previous articles about my struggles with promises. I will explain it with a little more detail, so that others might have access to a "real life example".
Many years ago, my mother told that her father promised to stop smoking in exchange for something (I believe related to my grandmother's health). I never gave much importance to this, until my OCD started to involve this issue. At first, it was like an inner voice telling "Promise this!" "Promise this!". It didn't involve receiving something in exchange, only promising. I became afraid that it could be God wanting me do to it and refusing it would be refusing to do God's will. Fortunately, I already had a good knowledge about OCD and recognized it as an intrusive thought, quite similar to those about praying to the Satan or blaspheming against God.
Unfortunately, my OCD pulled a trick from his sleeve. After some time, the obsession changed to promising something so that harm wouldn't come to my family. Refusing to do it would be selfish, giving value more to a pleasure than to my family. When in started to involve my family's salvation, after months of struggle I gave up. I promised I wouldn't play any more violent video games (silly, I know) if God did not send my family to Hell. At first it seemed to "do it", but the inner voice began: "It wasn't enough!" Needless to say, it was never enough. It was like having an internal blackmailer disguising himself as God.
With time I did manage to work this out, fortunately, and now I'm much better.
Again, I would like to give you a big THANK YOU! for your articles, you can't believe how much they help!
God bless you and my best regards!
Gabriel
I’m glad the thoughts in this article were helpful to you, Gabriel! The urges to make deals and promises with God often involves things that are a good idea. It’s a good idea to quit smoking, and it’s a good idea not to play violent games, but the problem is that these decisions are springing from a place of anxiety rather than conviction (big difference there)! Whatever vows we make out of anxiety will only make us resentful and ruminative.
I’m glad you’re doing better. Hopefully you can evaluate life choices from Biblical truth and conviction rather than anxiety.
Best wishes,
Jaimie